I don’t know where the hell I’ve been, but I had no idea GQ compiled an annual list of least influential people. I mean, what a great idea! The possibilities are endless. Of course the list wouldn’t be complete without political and media figures, but my favorite people on the list are the celebrities we talk about regularly here at Crushable.
I doubt its a coincidence that most of the least influential people of 2013 have occupied most of the headlines of 2013, especially because each and every one of the people on that list more than likely feels like they’ve solidly influenced the entire world this year. Ah, the joys of lacking self-awareness! If nothing else, this list serves as a refresher course for some of the best internet water cooler gossip of the year. While the list in its entirety is worth a read, here are some of the best highlights:
“I’d like to thank Paula Deen for fulfilling every expectation I had for what Paula Deen is like behind closed doors.”
Is it weird that I was so disappointed by this scandal? Not surprised, per se, but disappointed. Mostly because her kitchen had these really welcoming, cozy copper pots and all of her food made me happy. I haven’t been able to make a bacon meatloaf since.
“People will only go along with your whole meta-art tampon costume if you’ve got the songs to go with it.”
Totally agree. I kind of wish she’d just start growing a up like the rest of us and move on from this weird/shock value schtick she’s been doing for five years now. I really enjoyed watching her on SNL last week, and I wouldn’t mind a little more regular ol’ Stefani, a little less desperate-for-attention Gaga.
“For all the coverage he got, Prince George should have been a special baby. An alien baby. A baby with perpetually bleeding stigmata wounds. But no.”
I know, right? The hoopla surrounding the gestation and birth of this poor child was akin to the insane frenzy of Oprah’s Favorite Things of years past. And for what? He’s just a baby! Wait until his career as one of England’s figureheads starts. Or at least until he’s forming two-word phrases and eating solid foods.
“Miley spent the entire year foam-finger-blasting herself, licking sledgehammers, and basically trying every inane strategy she could think of to rile up America’s few remaining pearl clutchers.”
Is it weird that I want to compile the year’s best Miley Cyrus videos and sit all 79 Duggar family members in a room and make them watch a Miley marathon? Like, can you imagine explaining “twerking” to Jim Bob? I’m just saying that if we’re talking about America’s remaining pearl-clutchers, the Duggars are the ones I want to rile up.
“When you’re a just-legal megastar raising hell and being a brat, people will still give you a chance. They’ll blame the money and the fame and probably your parents. But once you lose the baby fat, there are no viable excuses.”
PREACH. We’ve been saying this all year long, GQ. We definitely hold his mom accountable simply for her major denial alone, but still. He’s old enough to know what’s right and wrong, and what makes people want to refer to you as “Turd Ferguson.”
(Lead Photo: WENN)