• Sat, Nov 23 - 12:00 pm ET

In Honor Of Miley Cyrus Turning 21 Today, Please Enjoy Reliving These 21 ‘Mileystones’ From 2013

10. Miley and Liam: Game on
Early this summer, Miley proved she’s the best player in the game of trolling by tweeting out pics of herself wearing her engagement ring again AND wearing a wedding dress?!  She knows how to keep us guessing, because she’s wily like that. Wily Miley if you’re nasty.

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11. Miley’s parents can’t stop won’t stop.
Billy Ray and Trish Cyrus just can’t quit each other.  Though they did decide to officially split this summer around the same time Miley’s own relationship was crumbling into a sea of unicorn onesies, the elder Cyrus duo seems to have reconciled.  I remember smoking a lot of weed during my parents’ divorce, too.  Just kidding.  Kind of.

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12. Miley Cyrus can’t stop. 
From singing about Molly to making out with a life-sized Miley doll, the video for “We Can’t Stop” is something you just can’t un-see. This was when we all realized she wasn’t going to stop trying so hard to be… whatever it is she’s being.

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13. Miley butt-tweets a text message about Xanax.
We’re not sure if this was “zanny”-induced or if she will literally just say anything for attention, but somehow food poisoning was the culprit?  We’re also not sure how her butt was involved in this, but we do know that Xanax probably won’t help that bad shellfish she ate.

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14. The Night That Will Live In Infamy, or the VMAs.
Forevermore, 2013 will be divided into two parts: before Miley Cyrus sported hair nubbins and twerked all over Robin Thicke dressed as Beetlejuice while wearing in a nude plastic bikini and molested herself with a foam finger while simultaneously sticking out her tongue 34958340985 times and shaming little people, and after.

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15. When Liam Hemsworth decided to stop pretending he was still in love with Miley Cyrus because of the VMAs and also all of 2013.
Self-explanatory.  Even the magic of Nicholas Sparks wasn’t enough to keep these two crazy kids together through thick and thin nipple shirts.

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16. Miley Cyrus can make fun of herself and also make us laugh.
I don’t know about you, but I will readily admit that I was prepared for a disaster when SNL decided to have Miley as the host AND musical guest.  I thought it was too much, too soon post-VMAs.  I’ve never been happier to have been mistaken – it’s one of my favorite episodes of the season so far.

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17.  Miley gets naked.  
The “Wrecking Ball” video was a doozy!  Miley decided to get fully naked and ride around on a, wait for it, wrecking ball.  And lick it.  This is how I think we all felt after watching it:

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18. Is Miley even old enough to remember Lil’ Kim at the VMAs?
I guess if you’re the most popular Halloween costume of 2013 because of your VMAs performance, the only thing to do is dress up as another controversial artist at the VMAs.  Back in like, 1999.

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19. Robin Thicke is the worst.
Disturbed as we were by the VMAs, it was soooo not cool of Robin Thicke to toss Miley under the bus and pretend like he wasn’t 100% involved.  We see those lying eyes behind your aviators, Robin Thicke, and we are not amused.

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20. That time Miley was tolerable for a brief moment.
Miley went on Ellen to discuss her feelings on Robin Thicke, the VMAs, and her breakup.  This was when I remembered that even though she’s trying so hard to be something, whatever that is, she’s still human.  And who didn’t love her acapella version of “We Can’t Stop” with The Roots?

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21.  Just bein’ Miley!
Annnd it looks like we’re ending the year with smoking weed onstage and bleaching our eyebrows off our face. Um, okay?  But hey, she’s friends with models and we’re not. Cheers to what “ratchet” shenanigans 2014 has to bring!

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(Lead GIF: Tumblr)

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  • fantasymother

    First, I need to say… I’m sick of her and I’m sick of her tongue. Someone needs to spell “overexposure” for her.

    Second, “Rode hard and put away wet” is a horse reference. Do that do a horse and it will look like Lady Gaga on a bad day. It’s been used to refer to women over the years, generally those who party hard, both vertically and horizontally, and… er… well… put themselves away wet. Basically, they’ll look like Lady Gaga on a bad day.