• Sat, Nov 23 - 12:00 pm ET

In Honor Of Miley Cyrus Turning 21 Today, Please Enjoy Reliving These 21 ‘Mileystones’ From 2013

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From singing about doing drugs, to denying she’s singing about doing drugs, to being so in lurve  with Liam Hemsworth, to denying she and Liam are breaking up, to breaking up with Liam. it’s been quite a year for Miss Miley Cyrus!  It’s hard to believe she’s only just now turning 21, because she’s turned herself into the kind of girl my grandma would describe as “rode hard and put away wet” (a saying I’m still trying to fully understand but probably never will).

While most of us were counting down the minutes ’til midnight on our twenty-first birthdays so we could savor that first sip of legal booze, to Miley that’s pure child’s play.  In case you’ve been living under a rock (a regular rock, not anything drug-related), 2013 has been a pretty jam-packed Miley year.  In honor of Destiny Hope Cyrus’ birthday, let’s revisit some of our favorite moments, or “Mileystones”, shall we?

1. Miley gets “turnt up.”
Add this to the list of phrases I think I understand but probably don’t and/or shouldn’t.  When Miley started recording Bangerz, studio execs were expecting her to be tame ol’ Hannah Montana but instead they got Miley “Turnt Up” Cyrus. Because she cannot be tamed.

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2. The unicorn onesie.
We tried to analyze the meaning behind Miley Cyrus twerking in a unicorn onesie, because way back in March of this year Miley and twerking weren’t quite synonymous yet.Sigh,  I barely remember those days.

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3. Miley Cyrus decides to change up her look.
Long gone are the wavy brown hair extensions and preppy clothes, in is the age-inappropriate skanky Dr. Seuss-ish attire. Bold patterns, wide stripes, crazy silhouettes galore.

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4. Liam Hemsworth cheating rumors begin.
Looks like Liam may have preferred the ice-cold vagina of January Jones and hopped off the crazy Miley train for awhile to get shitfaced and make out with Betty Draper at an Oscars party.  Whoopsies!

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5. Miley stops wearing her engagement ring.
After taking a brief Twitter break, Miley stepped out in public sans Liam’s engagement ring. Liam was soon off to Australia for awhile, sans Miley.  Because this is what happens when you get engaged at 20 and decide to turn into a bit of a lunatic.

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5. Miley and Snoop Dogg (Lion? Dog?)
The “huh?” collaboration of Miley and Snoop Dogg came to fruition when their song was released.  Lots of drug references and “edginess” further convince us that Miley and her “short hair don’t care” attitude are here to stay for awhile.

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6. Miley decides to become more “conservative” on Twitter… LOLz.
Still in the midst of relationship turmoil, Miley decides to get bitter about sharing too much.  But it only lasted for the hottest minute of minutes, because she can’t stop.  And she won’t stop.

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7. Maxim makes Miley’s dreams come true!
After being crowned #1 on Maxim‘s Hot 100 this year, Miley thanks her fans for making this a reality because “#dreamsdocometrue.”  Between this and Adam Levine being crowned People’s Sexiest Man Alive, I’ve completely lost faith in faithless magazines.

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9. That time we all agreed that Taylor Swift fans can be the worst.
Miley thanks her fans for not rabidly attacking other artists and wishing death upon them, because whoa Nelly, Taylor Swift fans are absolutely maniacal sometimes. This was the time I also learned that Miley’s fans are apparently called “Smilers”?

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You can reach this post's author, Cassandra Hough, on twitter.
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  • fantasymother

    First, I need to say… I’m sick of her and I’m sick of her tongue. Someone needs to spell “overexposure” for her.

    Second, “Rode hard and put away wet” is a horse reference. Do that do a horse and it will look like Lady Gaga on a bad day. It’s been used to refer to women over the years, generally those who party hard, both vertically and horizontally, and… er… well… put themselves away wet. Basically, they’ll look like Lady Gaga on a bad day.