Well it looks like pretending that we’re all best friends with Jennifer Lawrence backfired on us. Last night she went on The Late Show with David Letterman and opened up about her stomach problems. And by opened up, I mean talked about this problem she’s having where she can’t stop pooping her pants. Turns out that she’s been listening to all of the crazy fans out there — myself included — and our best friendship went to her head. She’s so comfortable with us now that she feels like she can talk about anything and everything.
Today’s her pooping problems and tomorrow — well I don’t know what tomorrow brings. Usually talking about poop means that your friendship’s reached the pinnacle. After that there are no more stories to tell and no more secrets to share. Everything’s out there on the table. It’s just unfortunate with Jen that we missed the middle stage of our best friendship. You know, the stage where we sit down and tell each other our most shocking sex stories. Or in the case of J.Law, she sits down and tells us what’s actually going on with Nicholas Hoult. Their relationship’s more on and off than a clap light during a thunderstorm. (Seriously guys, never ask for a clap light for your birthday. It does go on and off a lot during a thunderstorm. And yes, I know this from extremely personal experience.)
But alas, it appears that we skipped over sex show-and-tell and instead moved straight into Does Your Body Also Do That Town. Which I guess is okay. I mean, I did spend the past two years praying that this best friendship would turn into a real thing and not just a bizarre fantasy. And now, it kinda is. As I believe R.L Stine once said in Goosebumps, be careful what you wish for….