So last night People announced their Sexiest Man Alive, and just as had been predicted, they gave it to Adam Levine…even though his only achievements of note this year have been getting engaged to Behahti Prinsloo, phoning it in as a judge on The Voice, and being a Caucasian male. Whoop-dee-doo. Cognratulations. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, because People has never shown a ton of originality when handing out this award, but we can all agree that there are a bunch of guys who are more deserving of this title, right?
There are edgier and braver choices, sure, like the list we wrote up yesterday, but there are also a bunch of really obvious choices. People we can’t believe haven’t won already. I’m talking big name, talented, stupidly hot A-Listers who have somehow never made the list. And this is while people like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and Richard Gere somehow make it on there twice. I don’t get it. You’re gonna tell me you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel so hard trying to think of someone new who’s both sexy and famous that you have to throw a name in there a second time? Pull it together, People Magazine.
Or don’t, and let me pull it together for you. Just hand me the reins and I’ll take over from here. Prepare to be embarrassed, though, because I can hardly believe myself that none of these nineteen guys has ever made the list.