9 Quotes From Justin Bieber’s THR Interview That Will Make You Roll Your Eyes Extra Hard

Justin Bieber playing with Scooter Brauns face

(via)

So what’s precipitating these shenanigans? “I think his moments of anger come from his resentment towards the ridicule [and] of being judged for things, which a lot of times he hasn’t even done,” says Braun. Spitting on his fans (as he did from a Toronto hotel balcony in July)? “Justin was playing the loogie game with his friends over the freaking porch! They put two separate pictures together, implied something, and the whole world ran with it.”

Uh, back that scooter up Mr. Braun and explain to me why a 19-year-old plays the loogie game. Because to me that doesn’t clear ANYTHING up. “Oh Justin was just playing the pooping game where he and his friends take turns pooping off the hotel roof. It’s not his fault that some blog tried to turn that into a scandal.. ugh, you guys have NO idea how hard it for him to do normal teenage things.”

Now, Bieber and Smith have a weekly call to go over any potential issues, emotional or otherwise. (Scientology is “never discussed,” says Braun.) At the same time, Braun adds of Smith, “He’s telling me: ‘Justin’s got to go through it. You can’t stop him from going through it. That’s youth in itself. He’s a young man who’s growing up, and that’s what makes him interesting and relatable. Otherwise, he’d be some kind of weird robot.”

Nope, nope, nope, nope. Oh also, nope. Not only is Will “self-proclaimed cool dad” Smith a horrible choice for a mentor, but he’s also an all-around idiot. Showing up late to his own concerts and blowing off fans doesn’t make Bieber interesting and relatable, it makes him an irresponsible jackass. Also, let it be known that the opposite of Justin Bieber is not a “weird robot.”  It’s a normally functioning human being. Period.

Pastor Smith, who has maintained a steady presence in Bieber’s life, traveling as far as South Africa and Australia to help him “not get discouraged or despondent because of perceived failures,” sees the pop star as misunderstood.

Yes, yes, would hate to see young Master Bieber getting discouraged by all the haters out there. And by haters, I mean the authorities in Brazil who would like to speak to him about committing a crime. Also, pray tell Pastor Smith, exactly how are we misunderstanding Justin Bieber here? Was that abandoned monkey actually a thank you gift to Germany? Or what? Was there something else we misunderstood this year? (Please say Anne Frank, I dare you to say Anne Frank.)

And he’d likely be the first to admit that he’s walled himself off to the world after being burned one too many times by hangers-on who sell him out for a quick buck. The video of him peeing into the mop bucket netted a “so-called friend $40,000 10 months later,” snaps Braun.

Ugh friends are the worst when they sell footage of you doing despicable things to the media. “But,” you might say, “how about not doing horrible things that friends can sell to the media.” To which I would say, that would make him a weird robot. And then who could relate to him? Normals? G-R-O-S-S.

Today, Braun admits it’s a different dynamic. “When I try to do that now, he’s resentful, he pushes away and rebels,” says Braun. “What I’ve come to learn is: Be there, give the best advice you can, but he has to be allowed to make his own decisions — and his own mistakes.”

Even Big Bro Braun’s starting to struggle with the fact that he’s created a monster. Which (sadly, I know) makes me all too happy. “You reap what you sow,” I think the Pastor might say about the situation…in a morning text to Justin Bieber.

“Fittingly enough: One of the most off-the-cuff and real scenes in Believe involves director Chu asking Bieber if anyone’s ever told him “no.” The teen pauses for a minute to think, then answers with a smile: “No,” as the room explodes in laughter.

And then, what the interview fails to mention, is that the laughter turns into screams of horror as Satan emerges from the underworld “My work here is done,” he cackles as he winks at Justin Bieber and kisses Scooter Braun on the lips, “my work here is definitely done.”

(Cover: The Hollywood Reporter)

Share This Post:
    • Maddie

      Oh my god Jenni, that was easily the most hilarious thing you’ve ever written. Made my day.

      • Jenni

        Thank you! This comment made MY day!

    • MJ

      I was dying of laughter after reading this! My favorite part is the last bit about Satan’s work being done. Pure gold.

      • Katie

        I actually had to put my hand over my mouth and laugh so I wouldnt get in trouble at work. Hilarious.

      • Jenni

        I couldn’t do it without Bieber just being Bieber

    • Lauren

      I was cracking up at “Uh, back that scooter up, Mr. Braun.”
      Hilarious! Loved reading this.

    • MammaSweetpea

      “If Justin Bieber does something dick in the forest and no one’s around to record it, was it really all that dick? ” LOL!!
      I GOTTA find a way to work that into a conversation!

    • Kay_Sue

      He isn’t a weird robot already?

    • Cee

      Who is Scooter Braun? Is he the biggest and oldest Bieber mooch?

      Also, doesn’t Lil Twist, like, live in Justin’s house and crashes his cars every now and then?
      Yea you got rid of all the moochers, Justin

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    • Rose

      Well well blessed are you to have rich BFFs who dont need you to perform classic youth games on camera as a way to help them make some money. As you know Beiber only befriends the poor and vagrant members of society much like the pope, he embraces them with open arms and promises of loogie games and yet you shame him for that. He may be a little misguided in his actions but as Pastor Smith once texted “Save me from this road im on, Jesus take the Wheel”

    • JennniMaierisasmugperson

      You need to calm down Jenni Maier. Justin Bieber is annoying but he’s 19 and under identity crushing scrutiny that can crush a young man’s sense of self. I’m not excusing it, but in this article, you come off like a really smug cunt. And I know you’ll discredit me because of my use of the word, but Jenni, take a look in the mirror and reflect on the year you’ve had. Think off all the smug judgements you’ve thrown out because of your own inferiority complex and fear that what I’m saying is absolutely true. You. Jenni Maier. Are. Indeed. A very judgemental. Very smug. c-word. Think about it. Think about all the people you throw under the bus because they’re easy targets. You Jenni Maier do that constantly. And there’s no easier target that Biebs. Miley seems reasonably secure with herself despite her antics so she’s tough to shame. But Justin. He’s a genuinely douche-y 19 year old. A lot of us were. Maybe even you were Jenni Maier. Maybe you still are.

      • Rose

        Wow how lucky are you that your user name just happens to be “JennnniMaierisasmugperson” Stars align and fate be damned today is certainly your lucky day! Sadly the same cannot be said for me since the user name i wanted, “JenniMaierscunt”, was already taken BUT as the representative of her naughty bits I have a few c-words of my own for you…choice words that is.
        Us cunts get a bad rep, our name is flung around as an insult and we are often feared and hated as the single biggest puzzle the male species has yet to solve. We are always fingered when things go south, often clumsy, misguided and harsh fingering at that. So to say Jenni is being a “smug cunt” because you disagree with her article is insulting to cunts everywhere. Sure there are plenty of smug cunts out there – walking around talking about how they “can always get off” or have “multiple orgasms” or they are the president of the PTA. THOSE are smug cunts. But Jenni’s not a smug cunt, rather a regular 34 year old cunt who simply refuses to placate you and continues to write accurate articles on the utter incessant bile that is the Biebs.
        But alas who will defend poor Justin Bieber if you dont do it? Not his army of fans, or his team of publicists, reps, PR people, managers, hype men and hair stylists – no none of those people are brave enough to defend his every actions BUT you bravely defended him under your god given name “JennniMaierisasmugperson” and for that let me clap my lips together in praise.
        So keep up the good fight but maybe next time try not to use terms like smug cunt unless you really know the people it hurts – us cunts.

    • bipbop

      I look forward to the day he starts smoking crack and meth

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