• Sun, Nov 17 - 12:00 pm ET

I Dare You To Get Through The Entire Trailer For Justin Bieber’s Believe Movie Without Gagging

justin bieber believe trailer 11-16-13

For reasons beyond my comprehension, Justin Bieber is releasing his second major motion picture entirely based on his current tour.  That’s right, a second documentary about Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber’s tour, Justin Bieber’s pants, Justin Bieber’s whisper of a crustache, and a few Justin Bieber tiers, er, uh, tears, for added effect.

Besides further convincing me that I never want to watch this documentary in its entirety, this trailer’s purpose is to showcase that pretty much everyone surrounding Justin Bieber isn’t nearly as enthralled with Justin Bieber as Justin Bieber is. If you’re looking to see some accountability for his endless string of poor decision-making, you’re bound to be disappointed.  Though the Biebs tries so hard to look tough and convince us he’s maturing, that it’s almost sad.  I think for a split second I almost felt sorry for him, because he’s pretty much drowning in the quicksand of delusion: “There are people out there who can’t wait to see you fall.”  No, Biebs.  While your mistakes no doubt make my job easier, what we really want to see is you being able to rise above the looming disaster awaiting you and actually become a decent adult we can tolerate.  I promise.

Which poses this question: whose fault is it, exactly?  Obviously Justin Bieber is old enough to be accountable for his own actions, but he didn’t hop on the one-way train to Obnoxiousville all by himself.  The trailer shows Usher lamenting the fact that this kid has to “grow up in front of the world,” and yes, that’s true, but… didn’t you help make it that way, Usher?  I seem to recall you being the initial driving force behind making a pop star out of a small Canadian child on YouTube.  Mama Bieber, Patty Mallette, makes an appearance at the end, scolding her son in jest about his oddly-silhouetted, saggy pants.  You know, that is exactly what’s going to stop your child from being “the next trainwreck” (as the reporters in the trailer so awesomely put it): being a “cool mom.”  Being 19 certainly wouldn’t have stopped my parents from giving me a much deserved, swift kick in the ass.

If you’re interested in anything I’ve just said, please enjoy the trailer for Believe.  But I’d grab a barf bag, if I were you.  Just in case.

You can reach this post's author, Cassandra Hough, on twitter.
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  • txazpa

    Oh Cassie, you’ll be first in line to see it.

  • fantasymother

    The entire trailer, and I assume the film, is to push you to believe he’s trying to be mature in spite of the pain of his celebrity. That he puts up with the pain because he loves his fans.

    I was 19 during the late 60′s, and I was a full-fledged hippie. We were rebels in ways it’s hard to understand, but none of us would condone pissing in a mop bucket on our way out through the kitchen. He’s out of control and feels he’s responsible for nothing. Being 19 doesn’t excuse bad behavior. 100 years ago. at 19 you were an adult. We play games with ages these days, pushing the age of responsibility until we’ll reach the point we’re never responsible for our own actions. I mean, how can you condemn him? He was only 40.

  • Shilo

    He has no concept of what it means to be a decent man. He is allowed to act however he wants and get away with it now, and is delusional enough to think this is how it will always be for him. I don’t think he has the ability and intelligence to understand that this is not going to last. The adults in his life have failed him miserably.

  • Pingback: Justin Bieber’s ‘Believe’ Director Knows He Isn’t Perfect And He’s Okay With That

  • Jay Dee

    I didn’t gag but I definitely rolled my eyes a lot. Sadly, his movie is probably going to do fantastically, because people love a good scandal and want to see more about the stupid shit he’s been doing, not because of his music (excluding super beliebers of course)

  • Eleanor Calder

    **Pattie.

  • Anonymous

    Judging by some of the other articles I have read by you, it appears that you don’t take a liking to Justin Bieber, which is acceptable. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. What I don’t understand though, is that even though you evidently don’t like him, you still report on most major happenings in his career and life. If you don’t like him don’t report on him, and definately don’t watch his movie trailer and complain about it afterwards. If you act on your distaste towards him, you won’t even need your said “barf bag”.