You know it’s going to be a good day when you write two posts about celebrities’ boobs before the clock strikes noon. First I wrote about Melissa McCarthy and her funny stand-up comedy boobs story. Now I get to write about this lovely photograph Lindsay Lohan shared on Instagram yesterday. It seemed for a while there that sideboob had sort of gone out of style and been replaced by underbutt or partial vagina. But Lindsay’s determined to bring the sideboob back into style. She’s also determined to make us all remember she exists. Therefore I’d like to go ahead and title this photo “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!”
And of course I am paying attention to her, because I’m powerless against celebrities’ fame-hungry wiles. I can’t help it. They fascinate me. Remember in the days of yore when famous people had to actually get up out of bed and leave their houses to stage something in front of the paparazzi and then wait for the pictures to be released before anyone would remember they existed? And what about the days of yorier when they actually had to wait for the photographs to develop? What an ordeal. Now a star can just snap a topless photo from the comfort of her own bed, post it on Instagram and instantly remind millions of people that she’s still a thing.
Lindsay may have put a little more effort into this than it would have taken to post a mirror selfie, since it looks like she had her photographer buddy Rush Zimmerman snap the picture, based on the fact that she tagged her in the post. But have you ever tried to take a sideboob selfie? You have to be some sort of contortionist. And how are you supposed to hold the phone and smoke your cigarette and angle the photograph so that you don’t get any nipple in there? Look, we want people to pay attention to us but we need to leave some stuff to the imagination in case we need to release a sex tape later. Duh!