In incredibly tragic news that will ruin your next 3-5 minutes, Zac Efron slipped in a puddle at home, broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. Forever. Just kidding. But for long enough that the plans to promote his new movie got postponed. Even though, let’s be honest for a second, no one watches interviews with Zac Efron for what he’s saying. I see no reason why the That Awkward Moment press tour can’t go on as planned. Just take his shirt off, put a kitten on his shoulder and wah-lah, lines out the door on opening night! (Or at the very least, several thousand pins on Pinterest.)
While people are obviously already speculating that this “puddle slip” is a cover for up for something else, I think it’s best to just go along with it for now. Harassing the recently rehabbed star into admitting that he’s hiding something won’t help him get better. Nor will it make the public feel any better. It’s not like he’ll release a statement and admit he relapsed and then we’ll all fist pump together for forcing him to come clean to strangers. “High fives all around bros! We totally called him out on lying to us. He’s sicker than we even imagined!” No, we’ll just feel like huge assholes.
So let’s just go along with PuddleGate 2K13 and pray that his broken jaw doesn’t alter his face in any recognizable way. Unless — and this is a big unless — it heels Rookie of the Year style and manages to make him better looking.