If you’re a woman in Hollywood, congratulations — we all know exactly what your body looks like. It’s not fair, but it’s true. This is a world that’s all about skin-tight dresses and revealing photo shoots and dropping the baby weight; everyone’s so obsessed that aside from using cheap tools like Photoshop and Spanx, it’s hard to sneak anything by.
But things are a little different for celebrity guys. They’re not held to the same insane standards of attractiveness as women, so nobody bothers to stress over exactly what’s under their clothes. They can be as lumpy as they want, as long as they have charming personalities, and tuxedos cover all manner of shapes and sizes. I never give it another thought.
Which is why sometimes when these fellas bare it all, I’m shocked by how insanely ripped they are. As far as I know, everybody looks the same under there, so when somebody turns out to have abs, it blows my mind a little bit. Where were you hiding those? Why wasn’t I informed? How do I get a pair myself? It’s happened a bunch over the years, but here are the most interesting examples — 12 Celebrity Guys Who Secretly Have Great Bodies:
1. Chris Pratt
This one is probably the prime example, because we got so used to seeing Chris play dopey old Andy Dwyer on Parks And Recreation. He was definitely doughy for the majority of that role, but all of a sudden he was super ripped for Zero Dark Thirty and then again for Guardians Of The Galaxy. How is he doing this??
2. Zac Efron
(Photo: Jeff Steinberg/Matt Smith, PacificCoastNews.com)
Something about Zac makes me think he’d be smooth and featureless like a Ken doll, but look at all the intense muscles he’s hiding under those preppy button-downs!
3. Freddie Prinze Jr.
Pardon me, but aren’t you thirty-seven? Don’t you have a wife and two kids to think about? When are you finding time to crush it at the gym, sir?
4. Matt McGorry
(Photo: Orange Is The New Black)
Like you, I watched Orange Is The New Black assuming that there was no one on it that I needed to have a crush on. It was mostly ladies and Porn Stache, after all. But then prison guard John Bennett took off his shirt one day and I realized how wrong I was.
5. Tony Goldwyn
Was anyone else super shocked when President Grant took off his shirt on Scandal and turned out to be some sort of specimen? That blew my mind a little bit.
6. Ryan Reynolds
Like Zac Efron, Ryan also resides in a place in my brain that doesn’t assign him traditional features. I just assume he’s a smooth plastic doll BUT HE’S NOT. He’s all bicep-y and crap.
7. Anderson Cooper
Even while being painted with self-tanner in the presence of Snooki, Anderson has a smoke-tastic body. Did I just say ‘smoketastic’? Someone should hit me in the head with a meatball parm.
8. Daniel Radcliffe
(Photo: Equus promotional material)
Excuuuuuuse me for not realizing this, but it never occurred to me to imagine what was under Dan’s Harry Potter robes. But now that I know, I can’t help but be impressed.
9. Nick Jonas
Since when is Nick Jonas A. old enough to use Instagram and B. in possession of those fearsome muscle cuts? Where was I when this was happening?
10. Harry Shum, Jr.
He always comes off as pretty vanilla on Glee, but Harry’s secretly dancing around with a top-shelf bod. And no, I have no idea what this video is. Blame the internet.
11. Paul Ryan
You remember the national obsession when this came out? That one of the vice presidential candidates did cross-fit or p90x or something? People went out of their minds. They’ve never seen an in-shape politician before.
12. Andrew Garfield
(Photo: TS, PacificCoastNews.com)
I guess I should’ve predicted this because all actors bulk up to play superheroes and he did The Amazing Spider-Man, but Andrew is so scrawny in my brain! (And adorable! But mostly scrawny.) Those arms, though…