While there are many challenges in life, being pretty is not one of them. In fact, I’m here today to tell you that any old troll can go from drab to fab in just six easy steps. How do I know? I did it! Just a few years ago, I was ugly. Heinous, in fact. Sometimes, and guys this is kind of a big secret here, I went out in public in a ponytail. A PONYTAIL. I might as well have pinned a sign to my back that said “monster coming through.” And even worse. I occasionally wore clothes designed for comfort and not for fashion. Which everyone knows is horrible for your complexion. I’m not telling you all this because I want you to pity me, I’m telling you because I want you to know that if I can become pretty, you can too. Anyone can! All you have to do is study our favorite makeover movie characters – Laney Boggs, Mia Thermopolis, Gracie Lou Freebush, Baby, Cady, Cinderella — and see how they went from being the ugliest of ducklings to the most beautiful of swans.
So with no further ado, here are the six steps to go from gross to glam!
Step One: Straighten Your Hair
Buy a straightener. Use it every single day. Also while you’re at the store, buy a hair stylist. I think they’re in aisle three, just standing around with their hands on their hips, waiting to make someone feel awful about having c*rly hair. Splurge on the one who takes one look at your hair, sighs and asks someone to hand him a pair of scissors.
Step Two: Get Contacts
Sorry four eyes, but it’s time to lose the geek gear and put in some contacts. Because unless you’re applying for the job of the town virgin, you’re never going to get anywhere with glasses. “But they’re uncomfortable,” you might say. Well now you know how everyone felt when they looked at you.
Step Three: Stop Eating
I like food as much as the next human being. But like all beautiful people, I gave it up to get a killer bod. Sure I sometimes have incredibly emotional dreams about eating, but with food comes calories. And we all know that calories are the cancer of beautiful people.