Based on tonight’s shenanigans at the 2013 MTV EMAs,Â it looks likeÂ Miley Cyrus is startingÂ to get jealous of all the attention that Justin Bieber’s getting in South AmericaÂ for being a little dipshit. “But shocking America and making them fear for the future of our youth is my thing,” she allegedly yelled at her magical mirror, trying to get it to take back what it said about Justin Bieber being the shocking-iest of all. When it wouldn’t, she decided to reclaim her title at the award show inÂ Amsterdam with a simple five-step plan.
Step one: make side vag a thing. Yeah you read that right, side vag. It’s like side boob, but it involves much more waxing.
Step two:Â Slay a polar bear.
Step three:Â Wear it.
Step four: Take out a joint when accepting the award for “Wrecking Ball” and light it up. Because you’re Miley Cyrus and you can do whatever you want. Also because it’s legal in Amsterdam. But more because you’re Miley Cyrus and you’re not going to let some kid with an inability to grow a mustache outshock you.
Step five:Â Prep a sex tape, just in case the Biebs doesn’t take this as a sign to step off.
Want to see it all go down? Or I guess I should say, light up? Sure you do! Check it out right here.