Please, whatever higher power is up there, take mercy on me. I grant you the power to look into my heart and see that I am not prepared to handle another version of Miley Cyrus so close upon the heels of the first. But apparently I’m sending all my heartfelt pleas into a void, because here comes Miley’s younger sister Noah Cyrus to take up the erratic behavior mantle. And she’s only thirteen years old, so she has a lot of time to build momentum.
Noah posted a video to her Instagram two days ago of herself getting the right side of her head shaved, and before you say that this is no big deal, at least it wasn’t her whole head — LET’S JUST BEAR IN MIND HOW MILEY GOT STARTED. She was going along as usual, just being engaged to Liam Hemsworth and doing the things that Miley does, and then one day, when the sun rose a certain way, or the birds were doing a certain type of chirping, she cut her hair all off. She cut it super short and dyed it super blond, and it was all downhill from there.
Noah is already on a really slippery slope. Sure, she wasn’t on Hannah Montana or anything, so she doesn’t have to make the transition from child star to adult, but she has a few…ahem…obstacles at home. Billy Ray has been pretty open about the fact that Miley is his favorite daughter, but that he’ll settle for Noah if he happens to find her lying around the house in a cupboard somewhere while he’s craving some parenting time. Or when he needs a ride to the mall.
I just hope they bond an extra amount on their next couple carpools, because we gotta nip this Cyrus stuff in the bud, or Noah will be showing up somewhere with a ‘HELLO DAD I AM A CYRUS TOO’ sign and a foam finger tattoo any minute now.