It must be weird to be the parent of a famous kid. Even if you’re famous yourself, you have to watch the world be obsessed with a tiny human that you created out of your very sexmagic, with the possibility that you may never be spoken of in your own right ever again. From then on, it’ll always be so-and-so’s dad, or such-and-such’s estranged mother. It’s a lot to handle.
And some people buckle under the pressure more easily than others. A lot of parents are able to just go about their lives and deal with it on an individual level, but some people take their kids’ fame and youth as a personal invitation to try to turn back time. They get crazy surgery, speak out about their kids in interviews, and offer unsolicited opinions about world events that periodically get thrown into a Twitter round-up. It’s a lonely life, but some people are very dedicated to living it.
Here are a few of our favorite examples — parents who say a quick prayer before bed every night that Freaky Friday will happen to them and they’ll get a chance to do it all over again.
1. DINA LOHAN
Oh Dina. She used to party with her daughter Lindsay Lohan back when LiLo was in the peak of her fame, and this past summer she even got a DUI like her daughter, just for old time’s sake.
2. JOE JACKSON
Anyone who was as abusive toward his kids as Joe was rumored to have been toward Michael Jackson and his brothers and sisters is doing it because he’s jealous. It seems like he wanted his kids to be successful in ways that he wasn’t, which is why he punished them so severely when they fell short.
3. KRIS JENNER
I mean c’mon. This woman is the poster child for exactly what I’m talking about. Not only does she beat the crap out of her face with plastic surgery and fill her house with glamour shots of herself, but she also runs her whole family’s careers and is rumored to have been the one who leaked Kim Kardashian‘s sex tape.
4. JON AND KATE GOSSELIN
Now that their show is off the air and they aren’t in the spotlight anymore, Jon and Kate have to rely more heavily than ever on their eight kids to get publicity. Which they apparently don’t mind doing because they do it alllll the time.
5. JADA PINKETT-SMITH
Have you seen Jada’s new haircut recently? It looks exactly like something her daughter Willow would have. Wayyyyy more suited to a thirteen-year old than a forty-two year old. I rest my case.
6. KIT CULKIN
Similarly to Joe Jackson, Kit Culkin always pushed his kids incredibly hard, and three of them — Macaulay, Rory, and Kieran — got famous. Which must have created a lot of feelings for Kit, since he was a stage actor himself, a fact supported by the fact that Macaulay is estranged from his father.
7. JULES MANN-STEWART
(Photo: Caroline Torem Craig)
This woman is delusional enough to think she has her own career (in directing) separate from her daughter’s in acting, and she’s gone so far as to say it really bothers her to be referred to as Kristen Stewart‘s mom. Girl, you better read the room. It doesn’t matter that you have more life experience than your daughter — you’ll never have her career. I promise.
8. JOE SIMPSON
The creepiest dad-ager that there ever was. If he’s not providing minute-by-minute updates about what his daughter Jessica Simpson is up to, he’s getting himself involved in a gay scandal while still married and making creepy comments about how sexy his own daughter is. To date, no one’s ever had the heart to tell him that he has another kid as well who’s much less famous.
9. LYNN SPEARS
It’s so nice to see a mom so devoted to her daughter’s happiness that she’d write a book about her daughter, detailing how and at what age Britney Spears lost her virginity. That feels really appropriate.
10. JAID BARRYMORE
Jaid did a spread in Playboy only eight months after her daughter Drew Barrymore did exactly the same thing, and is typically cited as the person who introduced Drew to drugs and alcohol when she was a kid after bringing her to Studio 54 starting at age six.
11. CHRYSTAL WORKMAN
Last year, Ariel Winter‘s mom Chrystal was in the news a lot for repeatedly giving interviews in which she denied abusing Ariel. Except the thing was, no one was asking her about that. She was bringing it up all on her own. And when that didn’t give her the attention she wanted, she started shopping around nude photos of her own daughter – Ariel’s sister Shanelle — in hopes of selling them. Ariel’s been removed from the home, thankfully, but it’s creepy to see someone who craves the spot so deeply that she’d sell out her own kids.
12. LINDA AND HULK HOGAN
Since their divorce, they’re both dating people who are their kids’ age, so that’s all the proof I need that these two are grasping at straws. And that’s aside from the fact that Linda dresses like a trashier version of her daughter Brooke.