Kris Jenner took a break from plotting to make every episode of Sesame Street sponsored by the letter K to make an appearance on Joan Rivers’ web talk show “In Bed With Joan.” She’s Kris Jenner for the whole video, so you can probably piece together what that’s like, but the best part of the interview is when Joan asks how she felt about her daughter Kim Kardashian’s sex tape going public in 2007 and Kris actually pretends that she was upset by it. “I cried myself to sleep,” she declares as I sit up in my chair with a bucket of popcorn eager to see how she’ll spin this.
“I’m somewhat of a, you know, religious person, and I keep that to myself. So I live a certain way and I feel a certain way, and I pray for my kids every day, and I’m so in love with my family life. And that hits me up the side of the head, and I literally fell apart. I had to go in a room and cry for a couple days and say okay, pull yourself to-fucking-gether, because you have to be here for all these kids and your family and you have to show them as an example how to get through this.”
First of all, I’m glad Kris takes her pact with the devil seriously enough that she’ll refer to it as a religion. Second of all, I’m now picturing Kris literally falling apart into various pieces and then Oprah picking each piece up and handing them out to people shouting, “And you get a Kris Jenner and you get a Kris Jenner!” Third of all, I love that Kris decided to serve as such an inspiration to her family and was able to show them that the best way to get through a sex tape getting out “by accident” is to use it to get famous. And here we are today. It warms my cold black heart.
You can watch the entire interview below if you have the strength, but if you’re excited to see the sex tape talk play out, skip ahead to 4:20 (oh grow up). It’s really awesome because you can almost see the ratings pumping through her blood to get to her brain to help her form the correct words to say. “Crying is like when you’re sad because Instagram won’t post your bikini picture fast enough, right?” she probably said to herself.