Things are spiraling out of control really quickly in over in Biebertown these days. Biebertown mayor Justin Bieber sure has been doing some interesting things. For instance, visiting a brothel in Brazil last week. That was sort of a big thing. Also the fact that he took to Twitter to call his record label “shady” and complain that his fans do a better job of promoting his music. But for some reason the story that weirds me out the most is this new one in which Bieber invites ten girls back to his rented mansion in Brazil on Sunday night after a nightclub visit to enjoy a feast of kiddie foods.
Apparently the young ladies were asked to sign a confidentiality agreement and hand over their mobile phones before being provided a party menu of the kind of things you spread out on the table at a middle school birthday party. An 18-year-old student who was invited to the party spilled the details, according to the Daily Mirror.
“We ate peanuts, Doritos, crisps, chicken nuggets and slices of pineapple. Justin liked the Brazilian Misto Quente, which is toasted bread, egg, ham and cheese. There was lots of chocolate and Haribo sweets.”
Look, I’ll be the first to admit that my favorite foods are the ones that are advertised on television as being perfect for 12-year-old boys to order their moms to make when they get home from school, so I’d probably have a ball at this party. But that’s what’s so weird to me. The source says that the house smelled like marijuana but she didn’t see Bieber partaking in it at all. And she also says at one point things “got a little crazy” when Bieber “jumped onto a wall and yelled, ‘I’m the king of the world!’” That’s when things got crazy? When he imitated a character in a sixteen-year-old movie?
And apparently this all went on until 9 the next morning. They just ate chicken nuggets and recited lines from their favorite ‘90s movies until the sun came up?! That is word for word a description of one of my sleepovers when I was 13. What is this? What is happening here? Did Bieber purposely do this to save face after his whole spending three hours with prostitutes scandal? Does he even have that much self-awareness? Did he go nuts at one point and double dip the tortilla chips in the mild salsa? Can someone come explain this to me, please? It’s like when your mom is really mad at you and you walk into the kitchen later and she’s smiling and baking you cookies. I am so confused.