Even though Father’s Day is months and months away, I already know what I’m getting my dad. It’s this incredible photo of Jay Z and Blue Ivy framed. Sure I know, getting your father a photo of another father with a child is unorthodox. But truth be told, this photo’s far more appealing to the eye than any that I’ve ever taken with my dad. Between the lighting and the location, it’s 100% guaranteed to bring infinite amounts of joy to his life. Or at the very least, more joy than the coupon for a hug that I gave him last year. Even though it had NO expiration date, he didn’t seem to love it as much as I thought he would. Which was extra offensive since my mother requested that I hold off on macaroni necklaces after I made her a whole wheat penne one this year. Ugh parents! Could they be any pickier?
Anyway, enough about my parents and more about Jay Z and Blue Ivy! Not only is this photo ridiculously precious, but it’s also straight-up ridiculous. WHERE ARE THEY? Heaven? Could Heaven possibly be this beautiful? Or is it the Illuminati headquarters? It is, isn’t it? I can smell the secrecy from here. I can also smell the beach. And hear the seagulls and feel the sun burning me in all the places where I didn’t apply sunscreen. You know, the visible places that people will point out later and say, “holy shit, you get really badly burned in the most unflattering way.” Just talking about all of this is making me want to apply to be a celebrity surrogate right now so that I can just go to there.
Anyone else in?