There are lots of different types of celebrity dads. Brad Pitt is the variety whose family matters are constantly in the news. Tom Cruise is the type of father whose child is practically more famous than he is. Some dads keep impressing you with the cuteness of their family (Neil Patrick Harris, I’m looking at you).
Then there are the celebrity fathers who I always forget are fathers at all. For whatever reason, with these dads, I think “celebrity” hours before I remember “father.” The label-making machine in my brain just can’t make the two words stick together. So, to help myself and any others who can’t seem to remember these men have generated offspring, I’ve created this handy list.
1. Matt Damon
Children: Alexia Barroso, Isabella Damon, Gia Zavala Damon, Stella Damon
This one is pretty understandable. Matt is a very private celebrity. And I commend him for that! The names of his three daughters with wife Luciana Barroso aren’t even included in the Wikipedia entry dedicated to him (sorry for sharing them here). Matt is obviously an A-list celebrity, but he manages to keep his personal life – including his children – out of the spotlight.
2. Ben Affleck
Children: Violet Anne Affleck, Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck, Samuel Garner Affleck
The other day, someone in the office was mildly shocked to discover Ben Affleck is married with kids. My automatic response was, “Duh!” But then I realized that I never think of Ben as a father. His kids are almost always in the media in relation to his wife, Jennifer Garner. Even when I read about her latest incident of attempting to stop the paparazzi from photographing her children, I don’t connect those children with Ben. The branches are spaced so far apart I can’t quite climb the family tree. Or something less creepy sounding than that.
3. Paul Rudd
(Photo: C.Smith/ WENN.com)
Children: Jack Sullivan Rudd, Darby Rudd
I feel like this should be obvious. I was surprised that Paul was in a fraternity because he’s so damn nice and respectable. He is such the dad type! From cracking lame jokes when your friends come over to growing embarrassing mustaches (like the one shown above), it’s so easy to picture now that I remind myself. Why did I have to Google this?
Children: Usher Raymond V, Naviyd Ely Raymond
It’s just…what father is such a great dancer with such spectacular abs? Usher’s sons are 5 and 6, which gives them under 10 years to become the age that Justin Bieber was when Usher (yeah, yeah, and Scooter Braun) discovered him. I hope Usher does a better job mentoring his children about wearing real pants and not grabbing strippers’ butts.
5. Adam Sandler
Children: Sadie Madison Sandler, Sunny Madeline Sandler
Adam Sandler has children? But he acts like a child! True, he is an actor, but as most of his roles portray him as an overgrown man-child, it’s hard not to imagine him that way in his real, day-to-day life as well. Like, does he even know how to make an omelette for his daughters’ breakfasts?
6. Josh Kelley
Children: Nancy Leigh Kelley, Adalaide Marie Hope Kelley
To be fair, I never remember that Josh is married to Katherine Heigl, either, so no offense to his daughters. Typically I think of country music singers as being some of the most obvious celebrity fathers (Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley, Tim McGraw) – I think it’s a Southern family values thing. But I keep forgetting to add Josh to the list.
7. Tom Hanks
Children: Colin Hanks, Elizabeth Ann Hanks, Chester Hanks, Truman Hanks
I love Tom Hanks in that older gentleman, suave if not sexy, you made great ’90s movies with Meg Ryan kind of way. I can picture him reading the newspaper while eating toast and jam with his kids every morning when they were younger, but this image doesn’t come to mind immediately. I came across his son Colin on Instagram recently and thought, “That looks like a cute young version of Tom Hanks!” I felt pretty idiotic when I remembered it was pretty much a cute young version of Tom Hanks.
8. Jimmy Kimmel
(Photo: Nikki Nelson/ WENN)
Children: Katie Kimmel, Kevin Kimmel
Since Jimmy dated Sarah Silverman for seven years, I always forget he had a wife and two children prior to their relationship. I personally think Jimmy is hilarious, but would I if I had grown up hearing him snore in the next room? I mean, what did his kids think when their father was all over the internet singing “I’m fucking Ben Affleck” in response to Sarah’s video, “I’m Fucking Matt Damon“? (Two other dudes I always forget are fathers! They’re like the Three Musketeers – with kids in tow!) I mean,that’s gotta be more embarrassing than getting picked up from a junior high dance by a dad wearing socks with sandals.
9. Mark Wahlberg
Children: Ella Rae Wahlberg, Michael Robert Wahlberg, Brendan Joseph Wahlberg, Grace Margaret Wahlberg
This is the guy who sang “Good Vibrations” – another thing people often forget now that he’s a big, tough, famous actor. Enough said.