Now that Halloween 2013 is safely wrapped up and in the can, I bet you’re wondering how it played out in comparison to previous years. Better? Worse? Same old same old? Well we have Neil Patrick Harris‘ adorable family now, and Heidi Klum has really honed her game to a science, so there’s no question — better. Plus we just dug through a whole bunch of photos of the ghosts of Halloweens past, and they’re pretty rough.
Rough enough that we wanted to put together a whole collection of them for you, so you can marvel at how far we’ve come. (Except not that far, because a couple of these are from this year.) But we’re only human, of course, so there are some of these photos that we don’t have access to, as law-abiding citizens. But just click on the links and you’ll see exactly what we’re talking about.
1. Bethenny Frankel as Hello Kitty
I’m not a big fan of bagged costumes anyway, or of humans not dressing their age, for that matter, so this is a double whammy for me. What are you wearing, Bethenny?
2. Prince Harry as a Nazi
Ah yes, the infamous party where Prince Harry showed up dressed as a member of the Nazi Party, swastika and all. Classic princely behavior.
3. Avril Lavigne as a sailor
(Photo: David Tonnessen/Pacific Coast News)
Girl you are sloppy. You’re mad sloppy. You’re red-faced and your shoes don’t match and your costume came out of a bag. I’ve told you how I feel about that. Try again.
4. Emma Roberts as Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman
So she went as a literal hooker, but not just any hooker — her aunt the hooker. Ew. Gross. No. Mustn’t.
5. Christina Aguilera
I’d love to tell you what Christina intended to be dressing up as, but she pretty much had me baffled for the entire 2012 Halloween season.
6. Jon Gosselin as a tabloid cover.
It’s so cute that you think you’re making a statement about your own fame or the media or something, but how about you come see me again when you’ve pulled it together even at all a little bit.
7. Chris Brown as a Taliban soldier
Oddly enough, this costume made many people uncomfortable. This was fine for Chris, though, as most things that he does make many people uncomfortable.
8. Joey Fatone as a half man, half woman.
Right down the middle of his face. Mine eyes have never seen such terrors.
9. Julianne Hough as Crazy Eyes from Orange Is The New Black
(Photo: Devone Byrd / Pacific Coast News)
I know that we’ve pretty much beaten this one to death by now, but ohmygod blackface? Seriously? In 2013? GIRL.
10. Martha Stewart in a wet suit
For someone who makes it her business to always be so pulled together, this was a hilarious misstep. Her hair was wet, she had a gut out, and she was in skin-tight polypropylene. Whaaaaat?
11. Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris as Robin Thicke and Miley
Noooo. No no no noooooo forever.
12. Ireland Baldwin as a Native American
You guys it’s fine, she’s part Cherokee. She can appropriate whatever cultures she wants.
13. Kris Jenner as Wonder Woman
If one of you gets a second, could you just real quick call Kris and let her know how old she is? And that she shouldn’t be wearing the same costume as her daughter Kim Kardashian? Cool, thanks.
15. Madonna at the Met Gala
(Photo: Lia Toby/WENN)
This may not be a Halloween costume strictly speaking, but it’s also not acceptable, so it earns itself a spot.
15. Lance Bass in 2011. And also 2012.
I have no words, nor any idea what he was possibly trying to look like. Maybe a scarecrow serial killer? Lord protect us.