I didn't have the highest of hopes for Nicki Minaj pulling off a demure costume for Halloween this year (although I had my fingers crossed that she'd go as Ellen DeGeneres since Ellen went as Nicki in all her boobtastic glory), but I'll admit that I was hoping for at least a square foot of fabric. But I guess I'll have to wait until next Halloween, because there isn't one part of her body that I don't know intimately after cruising through her Instagram just now. Well, maybe one. BUT ONLY ONE. After putting on some sort of harness bra contraption that's actually just a studded frame for her breasts, Nicki also donned fishnets, a leather-looking thong with a key in it, and four strategically placed pieces of black tape over her nips. I don't know what sort of person's daily uniform that's supposed to represent, but Nicki apparently fancied herself a police officer, because she she captioned the photo, 'Officer Minaj. Who wants to get cuffed?' Well I certainly don't, Officer Minaj, on account of the fact that I don't think you're a real officer. What sort of police department would employ you to walk around like that. It's just not good business sense. I mean what if it rains or you needed to carry a weapon. Where would you hand it from? Those don't look like load-bearing nipples to me. Also, if you use those handcuffs that are hanging on your belt, you'll have lost about 30% of the surface area of your costume, and I don't think I'm ready to be acquainted with any more Minaj anatomy than I already am. But the one thing that does make sense about this photo? The fact that Nicki's picture is on her own cell phone case. That's the only part of this costume that's in any way believable.