Rihanna is the hardest working woman in showbusiness, as long as we can agree that the most important part of showbiz is convincing people that they should never ever buy tickets to one of your shows. She is so effing good at that.
In the past, she’s put in some long hours being late to concerts and impressively erratic and temperamental once she’s onstage, but RiRi has stepped up her game lately in a big way. On this past Tuesday night, Rihanna was almost three hours late to her own concert in Puerto Rico, which is the most ingenious method I’ve ever heard of to turn fans into non-fans. Nothing makes me regret my choices more than waiting around for something to start, and three hours is mind-blowingly long. And not content to settle just for that, she immediately switched the game up and full-on canceled her concert for tomorrow, November 1st.
And this wasn’t just any cancellation, my friends. It was an indefinite postponement of the show in her own hometown, Barbados due to “technical difficulties associated with the transport of equipment”. And while I haven’t personally spoken to Live Nation Global Touring, the company that issued that statement, I’m pretty sure that the ‘equipment’ part of it refers to Rihanna. I mean when she gets drunk and stubborn, it’s probably really difficult to move her from place to place. Might even take up to three hours. Maybe it is just easier to cancel the concert. But since it’s not officially canceled, just indefinitely postponed, people have to wait until later this year for a follow-up date to be announced, so they can’t reschedule their flights from faraway places. What a mastermind.
Oh and there’s more. It turns out that Rihanna will still be in Barbados the night she was supposed to perform. But instead of being onstage performing for a bunch of paying ticket-holders, she’ll be at a bar, getting paid to make an appearance. And if you want to, you can go be a part of that, and even pay to watch her. Isn’t this a beautiful world? You thought you were gonna get to see Rihanna sing and dance around and change her costumes and just generally give you your money’s worth. But instead, you get to pay a cover charge to watch her consume alcohol from a distance and maybe — fingers crossed! — catch a glimpse of her getting carried out of Sugar Ultra Lounge by one of her handlers.
You guys are just the luckiest fan base in the whole business, to have a star so committed to shrinking your numbers with such disrespectful behavior. I can’t wait to see how few people she’s whittled her audience down to by the time her tour ends on November 15th.
(Image: Edi Israel / WENN.com)