• Thu, Oct 31 - 3:20 pm ET

I Need To Know Why Kaley Cuoco Is In Such A Goddamn Hurry To Get Married

Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco attending Emmy Awards September 2013Alright Kaley Cuoco, what’s your deal? You and I don’t know each other, so this is your opportunity to reach out with your brain and tell me telepathically exactly what is going on with you and why the hell you’re in such a goddamn hurry to get married.

In case Kaley’s name isn’t immediately familiar to you, she currently stars on The Big Bang TheoryBut even if you’re not a fan of that particular program, her name might sound familiar in conjunction with Henry Cavill, who’s the star of Man Of Steel and also a guy she pretended to date earlier this year.

I say ‘pretended to date’ because even though nobody really seemed to care about the timeline except for Crushable, Kaley’s supposed relationship with Henry overlapped by about a month with the three months she was dating her current fiancé Ryan Sweeting before the two got engaged. So this girl is so desperate enough to be in a relationship that she didn’t even bother ending her fake one before starting her real  one, and only lasted three months in her real one before she was ready to be engaged. WHY.

But okay, sure. I guess that happens all the time that people are just really feeling it and they jump right in. But Kaley is only twenty-seven, and she just got engaged at the end of September, so why is she already talking about having the wedding early next year?

“We’ve been planning, so hopefully early next year. We don’t have an exact date, but I want to marry him tomorrow so I want to go as fast as possible.”

Girl. GIRL. Slow that roll. What the hell is going on with you? Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry? If you really think you’re gonna be with this person for forever, then what’s the big hustle to get it nailed down? In a different time, I’d wonder if she was pregnant, but at this point, it’s not even an issue. I mean, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t married and they have six kids together, so why rush to the altar for one?

But are the two of them super religious or something? Are they waiting to have sex? I seriously need some answers, because at the rate they’re going, Kaley and Ryan will be married about six months before their first anniversary of meeting (the words ‘rumored boyfriend’ were still being thrown around in August 2013). Is that even enough time to plan a wedding? Ryan? Hello? Anybody?

“He doesn’t care, and that’s what he keeps telling me. He knows that I’ve been planning this in my brain for 25 years, so he’s not daring to get in there. He’s like, ‘Whatever you want!’ “

That’s a very intelligent way to avoid a bridezilla situation, but if your groom openly doesn’t care about the wedding, maybe you should hold off on it for a couple months? I mean I don’t know, isn’t that supposed to be a group event? Please advise.

OH. Are you two wealthy landowners trying to combine your holdings before the king next asks for tribute? I DON’T GET IT.

(Image: Apega / WENN.com)

From Our Partners

Share This Post:
  • Olivia Wilson

    Whaaat, “I want to go as fast as possible”? Kaley, relax. You’ve been engaged for like 14 hours.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Um yeah chill.

  • Doubledare

    Maybe she is pregnant already

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Did you read the post? I guessed that too, but why would that matter? Lots of people have kids out of wedlock these days.

  • aaliaah

    “So this girl is so desperate enough to be in a relationship that she didn’t even bother ending her fake one before starting her real one, and only lasted three months in her real one before she was ready to be engaged. WHY.” how big a judgmental cynical bitch are you? you know, my parents got married within 4 months of knowing each other, and 35 years later, are still as much in love as they were then. sometimes, you just know.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Strangely, no, I did not know that about your parents. But I think things are a little different in the celebrity world, unless your parents were also in a fakelationship before they got together.

  • Doubledare

    Do you think Johnny and Kelli have something to do about her rushing to get married and engaged.
    Do you think there is some jealously involved on her part.
    Finally, do you think that Kaley still Loves Johnny, and/or vice versa.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      That’s possible, I guess. I don’t know much about Johnny Galecki or Kelli Garner though.

  • Doubledare

    Has anyone noticed about the comparisons on how Ryan and Johnny are similiar in looks and same for Kellie and Kaley? Coincidence?? for these two. I dont know why, Just a feeling that I have, that Kaley is still in love with Johnny and/or vice versa, but more for Kaley. Johnny may be in a comfortable relationship with Kellie now, but I do not believe it is going to end up in marriage. But I believe Kaleys feeling for Johnny is one reason she is rushing into this with Ryan. I feel she does not want to be alone, and she also does not want to take this chance in the event Johnny does not break it off with Kellie. Just a feeling I have. Kaley, in the meantime, is making a mistake with Ryan doing what she is doing. Ryan, in the meantime, doesnt he see this as well or is he there for the money and the ??? Why go back to tennis, if he can be a kept man. After all he made $23,000 last year playing tennis and is ranked in the 500′s as a player. Sorry forgoing on and on about this, but cant shake this feeling I have about Kaley and Johnny

    • Meeeeeeee

      Agree!

  • Pingback: TV Sitcom Casts, Ranked By How Much We Want To Join Them

  • Kathy Burtness

    She’s head over heels in love. Alexis, why do you “NEED TO KNOW” so much about Kaley’s personal love life? My poor little cousin has little privacy as it is without gossip mongers like you demanding answers from her. Enjoy her work but stay the hell out of her personal business.

    • Briana

      So now her family has to step in to defend her so her poor little feelings aren’t hurt. That’s a little sad.

  • AnonyMouse

    Where I’m from (small town USA) engagements are short. They only last about 6 to 8 months maximum. She’s been engaged since late September, so if she get’s married, in say March, she’s at 6 months.
    I feel like after the proposal happens, there is no “right amount of time” to wait. It’s whenever the couple wants to do it. They’ve already crossed the line into that commitment so it doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years after. They’ve already decided they want to get married.
    I don’t see the big deal, and I understand her excitement. When I got engaged, I couldn’t wait to get married.

    • AnonyMouse

      *gets

  • Sandy Gray

    It seems like whoever wrote this needs to find a new hobby that doesn’t involve obsessing over the lives of people they don’t know.

  • Pingback: Kaley Cuoco Married Ryan Sweeting On Ellen In Fake Wedding

  • Pingback: Kaley Cuoco Is Supposedly Already Regretting Her Quickie Marriage, How Shocking - Crushable