Everyone knows that Halloween is all about sex. Not necessarily having it, but looking like you want it. Already this morning, I’ve seen a sexy pirate, a sexy cat and a sexy bowl of yogurt. Although to be fair, I’m biased about the bowl of yogurt since I made it and ate it. Not sure how many other people would’ve walked into my kitchen and been into that.
Since Halloween’s all about pretending like you could have sex any second, I thought we could play a fun Halloween-Sex-Pretend game right here at Crushable. It’s called “Which Movie Ghost Would You Sleep with First?” I say first because I don’t want to limit you to one ghost. Who am I to ghost shame you for wanting to sleep around in the supernatural world?!
So with that in mind, let’s boOooOOoogin
8. Casper from Casper
Come on you pervs, he’s a child. A friendly one for sure, but still a child. Also even if you were 13 and this was an age-appropriate answer, Christina Ricci spied him first. And trust me, you do not want to cross Christina Ricci.
7. Beetlejuice from Beetlejuice
Look, I love a guy in a suit as much as the next lady who sees a suit and thinks, “he probably won’t ask me to split the check if we go on a date.” But this suit doesn’t make up for his complete lack of hygiene. I hate to get all dentist-y on you guys, but ew. It’s called floss and he should invest in it.
6. Dr. Malcolm Crowe, The Sixth Sense
So here’s where things get tricky. As far as ghosts go, Dr. Malcom Crowe’s pretty cute. But as far as smarts go, Dr. Malcom Crowe leaves a little bit to be desired. I can take a guy who’s a little dense, but I really cannot really handle one who doesn’t know he’s dead.
5. Henry Kane from The Poltergeist
There’s just something about an ambitious man that makes me want to be with him. While I could do without his religious schtick, I could do with a little pillow talk on what it takes to possess people from the underworld.
4. Lloyd The Bartender from The Shining
Show me a bartender who loves to listen and I’ll show you a room full of ladies lining up to date him. Sure he’s a little mysterious, but a man who works in a bar should be.
3. Johnny Blaze from Ghost Rider
A ghost with a motorcycle that comes accessorized with real flames! “Hello mother, it’s me, Jenni. May I sleep with danger? Also mother, still me here on the phone, did you know that Danger’s played by Nicholas Cage? Weird, right!”
2. Sam Wheat from Ghost
As much as I think dating a murder victim would be uncomfortable at points (why must he always put my bad day at work in perspective by discussing the time he was shot), I also think that doing supernatural ceramics would be fun. And by ceramics, I don’t mean ceramics.
1. Thackery Binx, Hocus Pocus
Does anything make a girl swoon more than a man who sacrificed his life to save his sister. The heartbeat in my vagina says no. Sure he’s stuck in the body of a cat for a few hundred years, but it takes a pussy to know a pussy.