• Tue, Oct 29 - 2:39 pm ET

We Cast The Little Women Remake With The Best Case Scenario

Little Women GIF

We’re replacing you, Winona. Get over it.

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If you’re an avid reader of Crushable, you know that last week I posted the worst-case scenario casting choices for the completely unnecessary remake of the movie Little Women. For some of you, this likely felt like just another article, but for one particular office mate of mine, it was her own personal nightmare. I won’t out her for nearly bursting into tears of hysteria after I posted it, but she knows who she is.

And it is in her honor that I write this post today. In apology for trolling her so hard with the last post, I present its exact opposite — the best case scenario for the seven major Little Women casting decisions. Enjoy, Schmegg Schmalone. (That’s her coded spy name, just to keep her anonymous. Please don’t try to puzzle it out, because you won’t be successful.)

CAREY MULLIGAN as MEG MARCH

Carey Mulligan Concerned(via)

Sure, at age twenty-eight she’s technically too old for the part, but Carey’s already proven she can play much younger and much blander than anyone ever thought possible. She’s talented enough to deserve the role and also to be nondescript enough to do it justice without distracting from the more important characters.

ROONEY MARA as BETH MARCH

Rooney Mara GIF(via)

She’s a little too old as well, in that she’s the same age as Carey, but Rooney also looks really young. Especially after you slap some pale makeup on her face and tell her to look wan and sick, I feel like Rooney would be great for the role. Plus she has chops.

SAOIRSE RONAN as JOSEPHINE MARCH

Saoirse Ronan GIF(via)

This one’s a little more out-of-left-field, because at first she occurred to me as an Amy, but I’d love to see what Saoirse could do with more of a spunky role like Jo. And as a bonus,all the ladies of the family are still looking pretty similar. Guys, I feel like I’m kind of killing it right now, but I’m sure you’ll let me know in the comments.

CHLOE GRACE MORETZ as AMY MARCH

Chloe Grace Moretz Smile(via)

Perfect casting. Don’t even mess with me on this one.

NICHOLAS HOULT as LAURIE

Nicholas Hoult GIF 3(via)

Perhaps there are more handsome men out there, but I think the charm is the main thing, and this dude can rope Jennifer Lawrence, he must have something pretty special going on.

JULIANNE MOORE as MRS. MARCH

Julianne Moore GIF(via)

At this point, I just want to be a part of this family, please. Doesn’t it seem so warm and cozy and glorious? Man I am really patting myself on the back right now.

JAMES MCAVOY as PROFESSOR BHAER

James McAvoy GIF(via)

Annnnnd casting my own Hollywood crush as the guy who ends up with Jo. Although, granted, this is very odd, since James and Saoirse were costars in Atonement. Oh well. That’s for a real casting director to figure out, not me!

Alright, Schmegg — thoughts? Let’s hear ‘em.

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  • CMJ

    can we maybe cast Christian Bale as the Professor? The saddest part of Little Women was that Jo didn’t end up with him (not Laurie, but Christian Bale specifically).

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1bw46dFNk1r4grm0o1_250.gif

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I will allow that in theory, but he’s so intense and scary now! Can we cast young Christian Bale as young Bhaer and create an alternate universe where he and Jo get together earlier?

      This is getting complicated. I am sorry.

    • CMJ

      Can this alternate universe just not have Amy in it? Because I really hate Amy.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Amy is the March sister we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

  • Jessieface

    I just can’t…..I don’t want to.

  • Nerdy Lucy

    Is it weird that I want Rooney Mara as Jo? I like her ’cause she has spunk.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      It’s not weird at all that you agree with me. I’m totally fine with that.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Oh I am foolish! You didn’t agree with me at all, I messed up!

      But no, I totally could go that way too. I think Rooney would be a great Jo. But then who would be Beth? I don’t know. I just want all my favorites in the same movie, and I’m gonna be as selfish as I have to be to make that happen.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      I don’t think your choices are bad. I don’t know much about Saoirse Ronan, so I have no opinion on that one. For Rooney, I think my brain has typecast her as a tough one, so maybe that’s why I keep pinning her as Jo. Also, maybe because I don’t want Rooney Mara to die.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      That’s fair. I don’t want her to die either.

  • Meg Malone

    Even though the thought of a Little Women remake continues to pain me in a visceral way, I am pretty pleased with the cast you’ve laid out before me here. I especially appreciate the caliber of talent you have selected – though would their performances be ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED a la Winona in the 1994 version? Alas, I cannot say.

    To sum up my main thoughts: I second the suggestion of Rooney Mara as Jo from the comments, Nicholas Hoult as Laurie was unexpected yet on point, yes to Julianne Moore, and while James McAvoy probably should be a little older for that role, it is nice that you wrote this so I will support it.

    Please let me know your next steps for becoming the person responsible for actually casting the movie.

  • merrywaters

    This is perfect… But I would switch your Jo and Beth. Saoirse has those big eyes. She’salready so ssympathetic! James Mccavoy is an inspired and very good looking choice .I approve and think you’re a genius.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Hurray hurray hurray! I know, I wish Saoirse was older and Rooney was younger. Grumble.