If you’re an avid reader of Crushable, you know that last week I posted the worst-case scenario casting choices for the completely unnecessary remake of the movie Little Women. For some of you, this likely felt like just another article, but for one particular office mate of mine, it was her own personal nightmare. I won’t out her for nearly bursting into tears of hysteria after I posted it, but she knows who she is.
And it is in her honor that I write this post today. In apology for trolling her so hard with the last post, I present its exact opposite — the best case scenario for the seven major Little Women casting decisions. Enjoy, Schmegg Schmalone. (That’s her coded spy name, just to keep her anonymous. Please don’t try to puzzle it out, because you won’t be successful.)
CAREY MULLIGAN as MEG MARCH
Sure, at age twenty-eight she’s technically too old for the part, but Carey’s already proven she can play much younger and much blander than anyone ever thought possible. She’s talented enough to deserve the role and also to be nondescript enough to do it justice without distracting from the more important characters.
ROONEY MARA as BETH MARCH
She’s a little too old as well, in that she’s the same age as Carey, but Rooney also looks really young. Especially after you slap some pale makeup on her face and tell her to look wan and sick, I feel like Rooney would be great for the role. Plus she has chops.
SAOIRSE RONAN as JOSEPHINE MARCH
This one’s a little more out-of-left-field, because at first she occurred to me as an Amy, but I’d love to see what Saoirse could do with more of a spunky role like Jo. And as a bonus,all the ladies of the family are still looking pretty similar. Guys, I feel like I’m kind of killing it right now, but I’m sure you’ll let me know in the comments.
CHLOE GRACE MORETZ as AMY MARCH
Perfect casting. Don’t even mess with me on this one.
NICHOLAS HOULT as LAURIE
Perhaps there are more handsome men out there, but I think the charm is the main thing, and this dude can rope Jennifer Lawrence, he must have something pretty special going on.
JULIANNE MOORE as MRS. MARCH
At this point, I just want to be a part of this family, please. Doesn’t it seem so warm and cozy and glorious? Man I am really patting myself on the back right now.
JAMES MCAVOY as PROFESSOR BHAER
Annnnnd casting my own Hollywood crush as the guy who ends up with Jo. Although, granted, this is very odd, since James and Saoirse were costars in Atonement. Oh well. That’s for a real casting director to figure out, not me!
Alright, Schmegg — thoughts? Let’s hear ‘em.