We were joking at first about Austin Mahone being a wee replica of Justin Bieber, but this nightmare is slowly becoming a reality. I don’t know who Austin has working for him, but they seem to have found the Team Bieber playbook and are reproducing his career play-by-play-by-play.
Hopefully Austin stops before he gets to the ‘losing it completely and alienating his fans’ part (and after he gets to the ‘dating Selena Gomez‘ part), but for now he’s sitting pretty, having just entered Stage Three. Stages One and Two were becoming known as a fresh-faced young talent with swoopy hair and establishing an eager fan-base, so now it’s time to gradually mold that mop up into a pompadour and start showing off your boy body.
And you guys. Their bods are identical. Austin hasn’t begun Stage Five yet (tattoos!), so he still has a clean slate, but otherwise these two could be twins a couple years apart. They both love a sag in their pants, a hairless chest, and clinging to the notion that they are big strong men with man bodies.
Austin posted the above photo to Instagram with the caption, “Back in the gym!” But…no Austin, no you aren’t. You appear to be in a hallway, presumably of a house. See, you can tell because the walls are close to you and there’s something vaguely nostalgic-looking hanging on the wall. Maybe being in the hospital for so long scrambled your brain around, but you are certainly not standing in a crowded gym right now.
These signs of confusion would be worrying if they weren’t all symptoms of Stage Four. You remember S4 when Justin went through it, right? Glazed eyes, confusion, the random removal of his shirt in public? Coincided pretty directly with a rumored new fondness for the marijuana? All I’m saying is you have a lot to look forward to, Austin. Good luck with the rest of your shot-for-shot remake of Justin Bieber: The Sequel.