Welcome to Halloweek, you guys. Since Halloween itself is on a Thursday this year, we have a week and two full weekends that are fair game for celebrating. That’s a whole — what? — nine days during which it’s fair game to vomit on moving subway cars or tell a lady cop that you ‘like her outfit’ or arrive at a party legally nude and announce yourself with a shouted ‘GUESS WHO I AM’. Some of that stuff is barely acceptable on All Hallow’s Eve, but it’s certainly not acceptable for the rest of the year, so you better get your jollies in while you’re surrounded by other people doing the same.
And we here at Crushable are nothing if not benevolent enablers, so we’re here to help you. Remember how we so graciously got you alcohol poisoning at the VMAs? And you never even said thank you? Well now we’re ready to get you so spooky drunk that you’ll end your night confiding in a jack’o'lantern about all the ways you let your parents down. Except be intelligent about it, obviously. Not every jack’o'lantern wants to hear about your problems, and not every cop will let you compliment their outfit without chucking you in the drunk tank. So drink responsibly, you monsters. Do it for me.
THE OFFICIAL CRUSHABLE HALLOWEEN 2013 DRINKING GAME
This drinking game is meant to be attempted by anyone at all — whether you’re at a party, at a bar, or moving place to place. immediately chug a beer if you show up without a costume. trust me, you’ll need it
- If you are not wearing a costume, immediately chug a beer. Trust me, you’ll need it.
- If you are wearing a costume, and someone else where you are has the same one, you’re buddies for the rest of the night. If one of you drinks, so does the other one.
- The first girl you encounter with copious cleavage, do a mental calculation of how much is showing, and do one shot for every inch you see.
- If someone asks you who you are, you’re in time out and you can’t drink at all for five minutes.
- For every five people you see as OITNB characters, you do one shot of vodka.
- For every four people you see dressed as Breaking Bad characters, you do one shot of whiskey.
- For every three people dressed as Miley Cyrus, you must do one shot of Malibu.
- If at any point you vomit, you become the Great Pumpkin for the next hour and may only drink water and answer questions with, ‘YES, for I am the Great Pumpkin!’ If you fail to or are incapable of doing this, you’re getting in a cab, buddy.
- For every text you ignore from someone wanting you to come to their party, you have to wait five more minutes to pee.
- If your costume breaks in any way, including smeared makeup, take five sips of beer and call someone in your contacts list not at the party and tell them something you’ve done that you’re embarrassed by.
- If you go with a romantic date to this party and forget to cheers every new drink you get, whoever realizes first gets to make the other play one round of Truth Or Dare.
- If someone at the party has a costume that’s related to yours in some way, you must shout the name of their character at them every time they do a shot. If you fail to do this, you must drink from a straw for the rest of the night.
- Every time you see someone crying, take five sips of your beer.
- If that person is crying into a cell phone, take ten sips of your beer.
- If they are crying into a cell phone with their shoes off and in their hand, chug a full beer.
- If you and your group of friends see a couple making out in public, the last person to touch their nose has to finish their drink.
- If you are able to come in physical contact with the people making out, then you become Lord of the Party and can make three reasonable demands of your royal subjects. This power expires after ten minutes.
- If your parents call you while you’re out and you ignore it, do nothing. The shame you’re feeling is enough.