Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are calling it quits after being married for three whole years. And by calling it quits, I mean getting divorced. “Calling it quits” just sounds so much more fun and cas! “Hey babe, can you pick up milk at the store, and also should we call it quits?” According to E!, they’re parting amicably after being separated for the last few months.
While this news may come as a surprise to some, it didn’t at all to me. But that’s only because I’ve devoted years of my life to reading blind items. For those of us who are fortune-telling-challenged, it’s really the next best thing. While the blind items never named Orlando and Miranda, the clues always made it pretty obvious that they were the couple in question. Take this one or this one or even this one as an example.
But what was being questioned about the handsome actor and his beautiful model wife? Well, to put it bluntly, their fidelity. Allegedly, they both loved having sex with other people. Which, according to my personal relationship coach, is not recommended if you’re looking to maintain a healthy relationship. Why they couldn’t just bask in each other’s beauty is currently unknown. As someone’s who’s never been called a heartthrob or a supermodel, I can’t begin to even try to understand people who get paid for their looks. Nor can I begin to understand how Orlando Bloom managed to make the name Orlando work. Sure it’s not Tampa Bloom, but it’s not that much better.
All I can do today is practice my best smug face and make sure everyone knows that I knew this news months before them.