• Thu, Oct 24 - 3:59 pm ET

K.Stew Rumored To Be Dating Guys Post R.Pattz Break-Up, Also Pre R.Pattz Break-Up

twilight wedding i love you bella edward

Over a year after getting caught publicly cheating on her boyfriend with a married man, Kristen Stewart finally feels ready to start dating again. While the president’s still deciding if she deserves a medal for her bravery, I’m personally ready to throw a parade in her honor. Well, that’s if Hollywood Life doesn’t get to that first.

You see, they’re reporting that the Mistress of Misery’s finally coming to terms with her singledom. Well, I should say slowly coming. According to them, she’s still pining over Robert Pattinson. Sure she’s stopped begging him to take her back, but she’s still collecting strands of his hair and using it to construct a life-size replica of him. 

“Kristen’s had nights out with other guys, but her heart’s not really in it,” the source tells the mag. “She wants Rob.” Poor Kristen! Will she ever get over Rob? “Kristen’s stopped begging, because she knows it looks desperate,” another source says. “But she’d run back to him at the drop of the hat; he only has to ask!”

Out of respect and courtesy for Ms. Stewart we consulted our in-house psychotherapist and asked how long it typically takes someone to get over a fakelationship created by a studio for publicity. “0.0 minutes” she responded, “it should take her exactly no time to get over her not relationship! Even less time if she attempted to get out of the fakelationship by getting ‘caught’ having an affair.” So yeah, she should be a-okay to date in no time!

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  • anya

    it’s hard to write for this crap. isn’t it true, jenni?