• Thu, Oct 24 - 9:18 am ET

Selena Gomez’s Struggling To Get Over Justin Bieber, Misses The Way He Use To Fling His Poop Around

Justin Bieber kissing Selena Gomez MTV

In extremely tragic news that will have you openly weeping wherever you are, Selena Gomez can’t seem to get over Justin Bieber. Even though the on-and-off couple officially called it quits a while ago, she’s struggling to move on from him. While I would think that this problem could be solved by a quick Google search (“I wonder what Justin’s been up to the past few months, let me google him. Tee hee hee….wait…what…pee buckets? Monkey abandonment? Carried up the great wall? Ew. no. I’m done.), she’s apparently still trying to heal her broken heart.

According to Hollywood Life, a site that has amazing access to every source, she won’t even try to date another guy right now. Even if his pants are on the verge of falling off and even if his behavior resembles that of a small child.

“I’m not at all shocked that Selena hasn’t been asked out because she’s got a huge wall up. Selena is not approachable at all. She’s very closed off to guys right now, probably because she’s still wrapped up in Justin,” our source reveals.

Watching young love ravage a girl’s heart is hard. But watching this young love ravage this girl’s heart is almost unbearable. We’re talking about Justin Bieber here. A has-been who’s using his last few minutes of fame to destroy his entire reputation. I mean, he peed in a mop bucket this year and had the audacity to say that anyone who got to clean up his piss was lucky. A man who does that is a man who should never have sex. With anyone. Ever again.

So Selena’s source, if you’re reading this and if you’re not a figment of Hollywood Life’s imagination, let her know that she can do better than Justin. As can every other human being who’s grasped the concept of pulling up their pants.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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