In news that will make you want to quit your day job and release a sex tape, Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring is rumored to be worth eight million dollars. For those of you who are math-challenged, that’s the number 8 followed by SIX zeroes. For those of you who go to Chipotle a lot, that’s eight million times you can say “yes please” to guacamole without feeling guilty.
While I think it’s totally adorable that Kanye thinks this marriage will last long enough to justify an eight million dollar ring, it won’t. We’re working with a serial marriage artist here. First she married some record producer named Damon Thomas in 2000. Then she divorced him four years later and married Kris Humphries in 2011. Then she divorced him 72 days later. Remember that guys? The time she married someone for 72 days! With all of this summer’s North West drama, you might’ve forgotten that fun fact about her.
Maybe the third time’s the charm. Or maybe the third time is the time that she makes a quick and easy 8 mill before moving on to her next victim. You and I both know that Kris Jenner’s already searching for vacation homes that cost eight-million-ish. Then again, maybe I’m just being cynical. Maybe the fact that they’re the two most self-obsessed people in the world means they’re meant to be together forever. After all, I don’t know too many other couples who would feel cool carrying around eight million dollars everywhere they go. However I do know that Kanye West’s lawyers are most definitely keeping that ring receipt in a safe place, you know, just in case he gets humphried.