Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I’m starting to wonder if Gwen Stefani might be faking her pregnancy to mess with the paparazzi. Maybe she is pregnant, and that would be glorious, because babies are really fun, and Gwen has been vocal about wanting a third child, but I also kind of hope she’s not and just giving the internet a taste of its own trolling medicine.
All the way back in early September, Us Weekly said they had a source confirming that Gwen, 43, was pregnant again with her husband Gavin Rossdale. They didn’t have a confirmation from the singer herself, but they pointed out that she’d been showing a little bit of a belly all the way back in August. But the thing is, we’re almost to the end of October now, and Gwen hasn’t confirmed or denied the pregnancy. Probably that just means she’s staying private, but in my dream world it means she’s taking the media on a disappearing and reappearing baby bump roller coaster.
After all, Gwen already has two kids — Kingston, 7, and Zuma, 5 — and she wasn’t especially secretive for her pregnancies with either of them. So why would she suddenly feel the need now to keep that information under wraps? And sure, she’s supposedly ‘sporting a baby bump’, to use the parlance of the age, in this photo from Rachel Zoe‘s Instagram, and Rachel’s comment includes the hashtag #majormommymoment, but that caption could refer just to Rachel’s own pregnancy, with Gwen just jutting her stomach out to mess with us. Nothing about the photo actually officially confirms or denies that she’s actually with child.
I know I’m grasping at straws, I just think that if I personally were a celebrity, I would do this kind of stuff all the time. I’d eat a steak and go out in a billowy top with my hand pressed delicately to the area right beneath my food baby, cradling it protectively from the eyes of reporters whose ‘inside sources’ told them I’d been expecting since May. Except I’d be that inside source, and I’d go on to beat Jessica Simpson and tie with lonely, barren Jennifer Aniston for the longest pregnancy ever with my magical disappearing and reappearing baby bump. I kind of want to get pregnant just for that and to pose next to myself at wax museums and jump out at tourists.
Guys, I think I might be the worst.