Turns Out It’s Our Fault That Dina Lohan Drove Drunk That One Time

Dina Lohan attending The Canyons premiere July 2013Tsk, tsk, tsk. You all should be ashamed of yourselves, driving Dina Lohan to drink. After all she’s been through, you couldn’t just let her have a quiet night at home. You had to hold her down, pry open her mouth, pour a monumental amount of Pinot Grigio down her throat, and put her behind the wheel of a car. Or at least that’s what her lawyer is alleging.

As you may recall, Dina was pulled over back in September for driving irregularly, and when the cops Breathalyzed her, she blew a .20, which is over twice the legal limit of .08. Originally, I was inclined to believe that she just gave Lindsay the night off to focus on her recovery, and took responsibility for filling the Lohan DUI quota herself. It was really quite selfless, if you think about it, but her lawyer has a really different view of the whole thing.

Dina is being represented by Mark Heller, that dude who was briefly representing Lindsay for free in her jewelry theft case in exchange for, like, promotion of the Mr. Pink company or something? It was all really shady, and he got fired (allegedly for incompetence) pretty much immediately and replaced with Lindsay’s original lawyer Shawn Holley who charges actual money and practices actual law. But luckily Mark wasn’t out of work for long, because Dina snapped him right up so that he could prove his worth to the family again post-haste. And he has a real gem of an argument to defend Dina with. In the words of TMZ:

“Here’s the argument … Dina’s lifestyle presents lots of challenges and stress, brought on by the barrage of photogs that follow her.  Those stresses caused Dina to down enough alcohol to register a .20 blood alcohol level as she tooled down the road.  Short story — it’s our fault, not hers.”

Oh okay cool. As long as it isn’t up to Dina to take responsibility for the mistake she made. I should’ve remembered that the only known way to shake paparazzi off your tail is through zealous overconsumption of vodka sodas. I wish there was another way, but obviously there isn’t.

All I know is that this definitely wasn’t my fault, because I have an alibi for that same night. I was busy in Los Angeles making Lamar Odom cheat on Khloe Kardashian even though he really didn’t want to and begged me to leave him alone. Not my finest hour, but at least I’m in the clear for this DiLo thing. That’s a relief.

(Image: Michael Carpenter / WENN.com)

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    • Jill O’Rourke

      I have no words.