Melissa McCarthy Responds To The Elle Coat Controversy By Calling You A Crazy Person

Melissa McCarthy on the cover of Elle Magazine November 2013You heard it here first, you guys. Last week when I was reporting on the whole controversy between coat-enthusiast with Melissa McCarthy and coat-deniers Elle Magazine, I said that the truth would out. That it would turn out that Melissa’s body hadn’t been shrouded in layers of coat against her will. That she embraced said coats, and held them close to her heart. That she willfully and unceasingly sought out coats with which to cover her body now and forever, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. And yes, I’m implying that she’s married to coats. Sorry to disillusion you, but Ben Falcone is moreso about a coat that is filled with a man and less so about the man who happens to fill that coat.

I said all those things in one form or another last week when I printed Elle‘s response, and now today, I am getting my comeuppance, as it turns out all to be true. Everyone got indignant on Melissa’s behalf when she appeared on the cover of Elle in a coat, while the three other models — Marion Cotillard, Shailene Woodley, and Reese Witherspoon – were pictured dressed much more scantily. They assumed that because she was only showing her face and about three square inches of neck skin, that the magazine was fat-shaming her, which has been an embarrassingly common theme in her past. But that turns out to be the case, and Melissa was actually surprised by the reaction of the public, as she made sure to explain at the ELLE Celebrates 20th Annual Women In Hollywood Event on Monday:

“I think they are crazy. I had a great dress on. I’m the one who grabbed the coat!”

See, you guys! I told you that they blindfolded her and spun her around and she found the only coat in the room. Nobody ever believes me when I come up with these crazy stories about celebrities being able to smell the difference between coats and blouses and ferret them out based on the pheromones they release, but now you see it’s all true! I hope you feel very foolish, because I am right and true love has triumphed:

“I loved my cover, I feel [sic] in love with that coat.”

See! Melissa is in love! And as you know, you can’t fall in love without pheromones. So I win the day, as does Melissa, as do coats. Huzzah.

(Image: Elle Magazine)

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    • ChiChi

      I feel I owe this website an explanation on why I will never be on it again. I realized that this site was all about money. It doesn’t matter whether the people you idolize (Amy Poehler, anyone?) on your posts influence you to support the mass murder of innocent babies (a.k.a abortion), and the people you talk trash about (Mel Gibson), you don’t even read into their stories. Mel Gibson went along with his charges of harassment because he didn’t want to ruin his family. And Miley Cyrus. God forbid anyone act differently in this paper-doll type of world, where everyone MUST dress, talk, and act the same. I don’t agree with everything people do, but I sure as hell don’t think you should be making fun of them. Don’t give me crap like, it’s the only job I have, or I love my job, or any of your sarcastic remarks. Sure, you say one nice think about pro-homosexual-ism. Still doesn’t absolve all of your sins. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but maybe, ya know, you could stop with the awful insult to people you DON’T EVEN KNOW THE FREAKING STORY ABOUT!

      I will be warning others about this website on my blog. Never expect me on this site again.

      Good bye, I thought I could go on this website, but alas, I cannot. As it says in the Bible (see, it’s this REALLY good book, that has all this religious stuff in it, you might need someone to help you read it, seeing as all you can read are gossip reports), anyhow, as it says in the Bible “All that is Gold does not Glitter”.

      So, Gold, you do NOT glitter with the light of Christ. With that, I pray for your souls.


      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Can I ask what you’re specifically responding to in this post? This feels a bit out of left field to me.

      • ChiChi

        As your site (sadly) doesn’t have a feedback page, this is the first post I clicked on. Note that I am replying from my disqus dashboard, not your site.

      • Jenni

        Commenters are always welcome to email editors! If someone’s email isn’t listed at the bottom of their post, you can send feedback to editor (at) crushable (dot) com.

      • BubbleyToes

        It may feel out of left field because you, gold, are not glittering with the light of christ! for shame! I’m dying laughing over that insult!!!

      • Victoria McNally

        Sorry, what? “All that is Gold does not Glitter” is from Lord of the Rings.

      • Pushkin

        Sorry, it was William Shakespeare who said it first.

      • Victoria McNally

        The line you’re probably thinking of is “All that glitters is not gold,” from The Merchant of Venice. Same sentiment, different syntax. The phrase that ChiChi uses here is “All that is gold does not glitter,” which is from Lord of the Rings.

        Either way, it’s for sure not from the Bible.

      • Pushkin

        Ah, my bad.

      • Victoria McNally

        S’all good, I’m wrong too. It was “all that GLISTERS is not gold” in Venice. Just looked it up again.

      • ChiChi

        Hun, where do you think the great professor, J.R.R. Tolkien, got it from? And I’m not trying to disgrace the name of J.R.R. Tolkien, but I believe that since the quote is first from the Bible

      • Victoria McNally

        Yeah? Give me the chapter, book, and verse. Because I gotta tell you, I’ve done some keyword searches through a couple of bible translations and I have not seen anything like that under “gold.”

        Tolkien got it from Shakespeare, who in turn got it from Spenser, who got it from Chaucer, who probably picked it up from Aesop. Pretty well established chain of succession there.

      • Victoria McNally

        Also, while we’re at it, I believe you’re misinterpreting the actual meaning of the proverb entirely. “All that is gold does not glitter” refers to something that is inherently good but that might not physically appear to be so. Here you seem to suggesting the exact opposite is true of Crushable, as you call the website gold and Christ the glitter — which would make Christ unnecessary in this analogy. Probably not the effect you were going for, I expect.

        Next time, perhaps a gilded calf analogy would be more fitting? Something about Crushable worshipping gossip news as a false idol? You’d certainly have much stronger textual evidence to support your allusion there as well.

      • CMJ
      • Cori

        It is a celebrity gossip site, so all they would be posting about is celebrity gossip. I guess you must have misinterpreted the point of this site. Also, how would they pay their employees is money wasn’t something they were hoping to get?

      • StephC12

        no1currrrrrrrrrr. I fucking love this site.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Thank you!

      • BubbleyToes

        “you do not glitter with the light of christ” is possibly the best insult I have heard in 2013. I cannot wait to tell people this!!!

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