Ever since receiving the unprecedented honor of a slot on our list of 10 Actors Who Are Total Jerks On Set, Shia LaBeouf has been on a personal mission to make himself worthy of that impressive title both on and off the set. And since I’m pretty sure there’s no better way to come off like a d-bag than by posting nakey photos as a form of self-promotion (just ask Kim Kardashian!), Shia is totally nailing it.
Not to say that I have anything against being naked. Being naked is totes fun. Naked naked naked all the time. It’s just that the removal of all your clothes typically has very little overlap with the promotion of your movies. I mean ideally people are going to be seeing whatever film you’re plugging because you are in it and you are talented. Not because you are in it and your penis is in it. That is how porn stars promote their films.
And yet, this weekend, Shia tweeted out a full frontal photo of himself that stops juuuusssst above the pube timberline, and captioned it ‘tune in, turn on, drop out –
#CharlieCountryman 11/15 http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/charliecountryman/ … https://www.facebook.com/CharlieCountryman … pic.twitter.com/iZJEMuIHG2‘. It’s to promote his upcoming movie Charlie Countryman, to be released November 15th of this year, in which ‘a guy falls for a woman that’s claimed by a violent crime boss.’ So nothing right off the bat to make me think we’d have any reason to encounter Downstairs Shia in this role, but you learn something new every day, I guess.
To me, in addition to being a new data point on his timeline of douchebaggery, this is just further proof that Shia doesn’t know he isn’t a porn star. Remember when he was first talking about Nymphomaniac, he said he was having actual sex in that movie? I mean he later took it back, because that’s illegal and whatever, even for Lars von Trier, but Shia seemed into it, so maybe he’s trying to branch out. And then the posters for that movie are all naked people in various states of orgasm, so maybe Shia is just taking context clues and has determined that any future role will require him to take his clothes off.
Orrrrr maybe he’s just a self-obsessed actor who knows that if he posts a picture with peen cleavage, people like me are gonna feel the need to write it up. Who knows. I prefer the porn star theory and I will not apologize.