Oh Justin Bieber, you silly old bean, you keep forgetting that you’re not twenty-one, don’t you? I know it must be confusing, with all the baggies of white powder flying around, and your diaper always needing to be changed, and all your admirable attempts to ‘focus on the music‘ even though you and the songs you’re releasing could not be further from my brain as I contemplate your downward spiral.
With all that in mind, I get it — life is a whirlwind. But it’s not moving as quickly as you think it is, buddy. Two years did not whip by in a flash of light and color, because you are still nineteen years old, kiddo. I know it’s like, totally inconvenient because you’re so famous and stuff, and your tiny body is so laced with delicate muscles, but you are not of age, ergo you should not allow yourself to be photographed clutching a beer. Specifically, a Dos Equis, and even more specifically, at a bar in Houston called NOX, which is now in kind of a lot of trouble.
Over the weekend, Justin and his entourage hung out there when they weren’t out grabbing stripper butts, and even though bar management insists that all Justin was drinking was water, TMZ has a picture of him holding a beer. Not drinking it, but science and experience tell me that never ever do nineteen year olds go to a bar ever to stand around and hold an open beer that they’re not drinking while surrounded by a group of friends who are drinking. Bars are not a fun place to hang out if you’re not drinking yourself, so survey says…Bieber was probably drinking. And apparently the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission agrees with me because a complaint has been filed and a formal underage drinking investigation launched.
Justin won’t get in trouble himself, because no one caught him physically in the act drinking that night, but the bar could get shutdown for serving an underage patron. Not that J-Biebs probably cares about that, considering he’s proven that he thinks of restaurants as interactive urinal exhibits, where you can pee wherever you want. But don’t forget to focus on the music, you guys. The music of this bar being told they’ve lost their liquor license.