• Fri, Oct 18 - 11:11 am ET

What Your Mom’s Hollywood Crush Says About Your Crush

Zac Efron GIF(via)

Happy birthday to Zac Efron, who turns twenty-six years old today! We had a lot of different options swimming around in our heads for today’s features — we could’ve talked about how proud we are of Zac for going to rehab and getting the help he needs, or compared him to other former child stars, or done a timeline of his career choices. There were a lot of options available to us.

But bottom line, why over-complicate things? Probably my favorite thing about Zac is how stupidly good-looking he is, so let’s talk about Zac and other other attractive humans just like him. I mean, the kid is beautiful. He has one of those timeless bone structures that wouldn’t look out of place in any time period. The kind of guy I can imagine girls crushing on fifty years ago as much as they’re crushing on him now.

Which got me to thinking about all the studs from the past. You know, the guys your mom still gets all daydreamy over. These dudes are oldish now, but she still refuses to disrespect them by even batting a single eyelash at Zac Efron’s butt, glorious as it is. And it’s not like you want to talk your mom into having a crush on the same guy that you do, because that’d be weird if when you started dating Ryan Gosling. It’s just that you want to be able to understand each other. Like old times! After all, the apple never does fall far from the tree. (I don’t know, guys, work with me here.)

So here’s your helpful guide to explaining to your mom exactly why so-and-so is so hot. Or moms, it’s your helpful guide to explaining to your kid exactly why so-and-so has absolutely nothing on what’s-his-name. Use this tool wisely, families, for it is full of razor cheekbones and brooding gazes. It should not be taken lightly.

1. THE PRETTY BOY

Pierce Brosnan Zac Efron

(Simon Walsh, WENN / Vito Amatti, iPhoto, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Pierce Brosnan
YOUR CRUSH: Zac Efron
Okay, so Zac hasn’t found his version of the Bond franchise yet, but if these two went head-to-head in a pretty contest, I don’t know who would win.

2. THE OUTDOORSY GUY

Robert Redford John Mayer(Photo: WENN / Mr. Blue, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Robert Redford
YOUR CRUSH: John Mayer
I can’t summon an image of Robert Redford to my brain without seeing him in a cowboy hat, and John now owns a ranch in Montana, so you and your mom can finally understand each other. Except that Robert is clearly the way hotter of the two, and he’s never said anything remotely as douchey as John has. So he’s winning.

3. THE GENTLEMAN

Michael Douglas Andrew Garfield(Photo: WENN/WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Michael Douglas
YOUR CRUSH: Andrew Garfield
These two both have a very patrician vibe about them, don’t you think? They could both pull off inviting a lady over for tea, or playing the president in a movie. Class acts, both of them.

4. THE ENIGMA

Clint Eastwood Benedict Cumberbatch(Photo: WENN / WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Clint Eastwood
YOUR CRUSH: Benedict Cumberbatch
Call me when you think you know the first thing about either one of these two, because they’re mysterious in the most intriguing ways — talented, attractive, and independent. Sign me up.

5. THE LADIES MAN

George Clooney Ryan Gosling(Photo: WENN / C. Smith, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: George Clooney
YOUR CRUSH: Ryan Gosling
Show me a woman (or a man, frankly) on this earth who wouldn’t drop everything to go on a date with either one of these guys, and I will show you a stronger human than me.

6. THE FAMILY MAN

Brad Pitt Ben Affleck(Photo: WENN / Joel Ginsburg, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Brad Pitt
YOUR CRUSH: Ben Affleck
These two are only like eight years apart, but if your mom tends to like younger guys and you tend to like older guys, it could happen. Especially if you both like fellas with lots of kids who are dedicated to their families.

7. THE LOOSE CANNON

Alec Baldwin Shia Labeouf(Photo: Marcus Hoffman, WENN / WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Alec Baldwin
YOUR CRUSH: Shia LaBeouf
This one’s pretty ironic given their very public feud, but both of these guys tend to fly off the handle for no reason. Which is hot, I guess…if you’re into that sort of thing.

8. THE MAN’S MAN

Denzel Washington Matt Damon(Photo: WENN / Visual, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Denzel Washington
YOUR CRUSH: Matt Damon
I don’t know, something about these guys makes me think they’d be really dependable and reliable. A good (broad) shoulder to cry on while he cleans up the mean streets of this town.

9. MR. ADORABLE

Colin Firth Joseph Gordon Levitt(Photo: WENN / Daniel Deme, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Colin Firth
YOUR CRUSH: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Those sneaky smiles and sad eyes! These guys both get at my heart in the same way — they make it all achy over how devastatingly adorable they are. Watch Love Actually and (500) Days Of Summer back to back and then try to scowl at someone on the train.

10. THE CHARMER

Richard Gere Harry Styles(Photo: WENN / Daniel Deme, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Richard Gere
YOUR CRUSH: Harry Styles
If Harry got cast in a remake of Pretty Woman tomorrow, I’d have to excuse myself right now to go get in line to watch it fourteen times in a row. I don’t even care that One Direction probably hasn’t given him any acting training. I JUST WANNA BE CHARMED.

 11. THE RISK-TAKER

Harrison Ford Channing Tatum(Photo: WENN / DyD Fotografos, Future Image, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Harrison Ford
YOUR CRUSH: Channing Tatum
These two are both in my list of top five guys who I think could rescue me from the panic room in the White House. Just battle their way in and battle their way out. Renegades. Mavericks, if you will. Risk-takers.

12. THE NICE GUY

Kurt Russell John Kransinski(Photo: Z.Tomaszewski, WENN / FayesVision, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Kurt Russell
YOUR CRUSH: John Krasinski
Hey Kurt! John! Can we just curl up on the couch in our pajamas tonight and eat Chinese food while we watch a movie? Great, thanks.

13. THE FUNNY GUY

Jon Stewart Chris Pratt(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza, WENN / Tony Forte, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Jon Stewart
YOUR CRUSH: Chris Pratt
I suspect that Jon doesn’t have a surprising Chris Pratt body lurking under his clothes, he still just barely has an edge over Chris when it comes to making me laugh, so I’ll cut him some slack.

14. THE BAD BOY

Tommy Lee Jones Michael Fassbender(Photo: WENN / WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Tommy Lee Jones
YOUR CRUSH: Michael Fassbender
The kind of guy who sits in the front row of an award show and never cracks a smile. Don’t mess. Just don’t let your mom watch the full-frontal scene (or scenes?) in Shame, or she’ll develop her own feelings for Michael and his Fassbender.

15. THE TALENT

Patrick Stewart Michael B. Jordan(Photo: WENN / Brian To, WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Patrick Stewart
YOUR CRUSH: Michael B. Jordan
Can’t stop won’t stop having the best career ever. If you aren’t aware of Michael yet, watch Fruitvale and then join me in sitting back and watching his resume unfold into greatness.

16. THE PHILANTHROPIST

Paul Newman Josh Hutcherson(Photo: WENN/WENN)

MOM’S CRUSH: Paul Newman
YOUR CRUSH: Josh Hutcherson
Hey. Everybody loves a guy who knows how to give back, and these two are prime examples of that. So dreamy.

Share This Post:
  • Wendy

    Paul Newman is the best looking man to ever exist in the history of the world.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      He is extraordinarily foxy.

  • Olivia Wilson

    I tried to pick a favorite but all I ended up with was a lot of emotions.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      MY HEART MY HEART.

  • FauxRealFaux

    Well, my granny, my mama, female cousins and even my little one all think that Denzel Washington puts the Fire in Fine. Yall should have mentioned Billie D. Williams and Denzel instead of that unattractive Matt Damon.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      You think Matt Damon is unattractive?? I just…I don’t know. I don’t know if this is gonna work out between us.

    • FauxRealFaux

      He is not attractive to me neither is John Mayer, Harry Styles, or that Harry Potter dude. Now Sean Connery, Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling Bradley Cooper, Michael B. Jordan are some good looking men.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I don’t think John Mayer is particularly attractive either, but I yessss absolutely Harry Styles.

  • Meg Malone

    I love this so much! Next can you please tell me who my best friend should be based on my mom’s best friend so we can have wonderful celebrity-normal lady brunches?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Only if your mom is BFFs with a bunch of celebrities!

  • lajya

    ohgosh whats wrong with the usually gorgeous channing tatum’s photo?!!! his neck looks like that of a 200-pounds-overweight asain sumo wrestler to me… :O :S

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Gotta hold up that big charming head!

    • anna

      I showed this article to my mom and she said “who’s that? what’s wrong with his neck?”

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Hahaha!

  • anna

    My mom is in love with Adrian Brody to the point she has made me accompany her to hotels he may be at in order to stake him out. She also plans to marry me off to him and live vicariously through me.
    I have no idea what this says about us/her besides CRAZY and my mom is possibly a cougar. She previously had a thing with Orlando Bloom

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Hahaha that’s amazing. Hmmm. I feel like Adrian Brody is kind of an androgynously beautiful guy, so maybe I’ll recommend Eddie Redmayne for the young man version. Feel any twinges of crush for him??

    • anna

      I mean, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed. I sent this to my mom btw and she said none of these guys do it for her except she would have done Paul Newman back in the day. Who wouldn’t?

  • Ria

    I don’t know…none of them do anything for me. But then again, I’m sitting here gazing at my gorgeous husband:) None of them hold a candle to him and my mom always had really bad taste in men anyway. She thought Phil Donahue was hot.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Haha, well looks like you lucked out, then!

  • Thamy

    wrong Alexis bc my mother crush is Brad Pitt and mine is Ian Somerhalder but I forgive you for that ;)

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Haha thank you for forgiving me! Sorry I got it wrong!

  • ohgoodgrief921

    I’m perplexed. I’m the mom and I feel like I SHOULD have a crush on Clooney or Gere, (closer to my age group, closer to what I’d say is the “type” I tend to notice), but, much to my confusion, I find myself ready to follow Benedict Cumberbatch across the universe, (though my brain says he’s too young & too lean to make any sense). I’m Cumber-bewitched, bothered & bewildered.

    My daughter, in her early teens, is swoony over Eddie Redmayne & Harry Styles – and all I think is, “why”? It all defies logic.

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  • dd.1983

    I’m deffo the “pretty boys girl” – I’m 31 and Pierce Brosnan was one of my teenage celeb crushes (watched Bond movies only bc him) and now I’m obsessed with Zac Efron!!! But some other male celebs mentioned here are attractive too, even though I don’t find them so “pretty” – e.g. Colin Firth, he’s very attractive to me

    After all, it¨s not perfect looks what really matters with a guy, it’s more about the charisma and personality