I’ve got some bad news for you, former pre-teens of the world, and it has to do with Full House, as everything should. While you were busy spending all of your days idolizing DJ Tanner for her feathered bangs and ideal bedroom, you were missing out on wishing you had Michelle Tanner’s wardrobe. That’s a weird thing to consider, because her clothes were like a size 3T but, believe me, she was much cooler than any and all of us. Because those teeny tiny clothes were actually from high-fashion luxury brands, whose names you still sometimes have to think twice about how to pronounce before you say them out loud. I know your struggle and I feel your pain. But Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen don’t because, according to HuffPo, MK&A admitted in an interview with Net-a-Porter, that they’ve been in those brands for an eternity.
“[On 'Full House'] we’d be in six-hour fittings three times a week, because we had to wear 12 different outfits,” Ashley recalls. The majority of the wardrobe was made up of adult pieces, including Chanel and Marc Jacobs, cut to fit. ”We were designing clothes for ourselves as we were so petite,” Mary-Kate adds.
You see? Even Baby Tanner had to roll her eyes at that news, so I don’t feel alone, here. I’d like to believe that that GIF and I are both sharing feelings of misplaced jealousy of the fact that I wore a lot of Old Navy fleece vests as a little kid and that these twins probably don’t even know what fleece is. “Is it like a kind of bird,” they inquire. “Oh, I’ve got it! It’s like a mink, but less mink-y, isn’t it?” But they are both very, very wrong.
Also, who thought that their characters would be most likely to wear those brands? Of all of the Gaps and Children’s Places in the world, where actual parents shop for their actual children, someone thought that Danny Tanner, single, middle-class dad, would think to go to Chanel for his little girl’s new denim overalls and butterfly scrunchie? I don’t know what brands Stephanie and DJ got to rock because the actresses who played them pretty much peaced out of Hollywood, but with three daughters, a freeloading BFF, and a brother-in-law who probably needed a lot of hair maintenance, I’m calling BS.
But they still went for it and they would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling Olsens. (I think I’ve gotten all of my ’90s references out of my system for the day, thanks for accepting them all with such open arms.)
So, the moral of the story is that a pair of TV babies completely won the fashion game and you actually had no shot because they’ve been doing it for decades, now. The only thing that makes me feel better about this is that Elizabeth Olsen ultimately won the game of life against her sisters. So, take that, ridiculously fashionable and adorable Olsen twins of the past. Also, to the Olsen twins of the present, if you happened to keep any of the set wardrobe, don’t hesitate to send me some stuff. If you can make adult clothes work for babies, I’m sure that it can work the other way around, right? Right?
Thanks Lil’ Tannz, you’re the best.