Perhaps you recall a few weeks ago when young tyrant Justin Bieber was physically carried up the Great Wall of China on the burly shoulders of two bodyguards. He received a lot of (deserved) scolding from the general public as a result. Luckily we now know why he was on the Great Wall of China in the first place. It was to film a music video for his new song “All That Matters,” which was just released as part of his Music Mondays thingamajig. Unfortunately the music video, which was leaked today, does not provide any explanation for why he lost the use of his legs at that particular moment.
What it does, however, provide, is further proof that Justin thinks he’s pretty awesomesauce. So awesomesauce that even something as iconic as the Great Wall of China isn’t safe from his douchey dancing. Yes, juxtaposed against the serene beauty of this ancient landmark is Justin Bieber grabbing his crotch and lip-syncing to a song I’m 95% sure I heard from him two years ago. Apparently the Anne Frank house wasn’t enough for him. He won’t stop until every inch of history on this good green earth is tainted by his swaggy sneaker prints.
And the video wouldn’t be complete without Justin dancing up on some poor innocent woman who struggles to escape him, an uncomfortable grin decorating her face. It happens not once, but twice, as the camera captures another dance attack from a completely new angle. The woman still does not appear interested. He also grabs a baby from another lady and sits on a motorbike that probably doesn’t belong to him. When will this madness end?! How many beautiful pieces of history does he have to associate himself with? This is worse than all those classic rock songs I now associate with car commercials.