That One Time Chelsea Handler Tried To Pretend She’s Younger Than Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara and Chelsea Handler on Chelsea Lately October 2013The inclination to lie about your age is a really odd one, I think. I can understand it on a basic level, because getting older can be a really scary thing if you haven’t come to terms with it, but I think eventually it will come back to bite you in the ass. Not because you’ll grow a long Pinocchio nose and be found out in front of all your friends or anything, although that would be humiliating. But because there may come an occasion in your life where you find yourself in the same room with Sofia Vergara. Let me explain.

Chelsea Handler had Sofia on her show last night, and the two were talking about Sofia’s son Manolo, and how he gets so embarrassed when people mistake him for his mom’s boyfriend, and yadda yadda yadda. You know, the same thing that comes up every single time anyone has a conversation with Sofia Vergara, because she’s so unbelievably youthful-looking and attractive and confident and whatever.

But then the conversation turns to swimsuits, with Sofia saying that she’s been trying out a mono-kini lately because she’s not as comfortable with ‘the normal G-string’ anymore. (Only for someone like Sofia do the words ‘G-string’ and ‘normal’ ever appear in the same sentence.) She’s making conversation with Chelsea, trying to explain why her preferences have changed, and the phrase, ‘at our age’ comes out of her mouth. Perfectly naturally, because Sofia and Chelsea are both…moving out of their younger years, let’s say.

And this is the thing that I’m trying to teach you to avoid, right here in this moment, because all of a sudden Chelsea Handler is sitting across from Sofia Vergara and stuttering the words, “Well you’re not that…how old are you?” and when Sofia answers, “Forty-one,” Chelsea cannot jump in there quickly enough with, “Okay well we’re not the same age!”

And since I am looking at these two women sharing a screen, and I have eyeballs in my head and can see their faces, I honestly believe that Chelsea is about to say that she’s older than Sofia. And I think Sofia thinks so too, because she says, “Why, how much older are you?” Which is so hilarious to Chelsea because isn’t it OBVIOUS that she’s barely out of junior high? She jokingly scoffs that she’s fifty-five, but a quick trip to Wikipedia confirms that she’s still pretending to be thirty-eight. THIRTY-EIGHT.

But like…why do you want to be three years younger than Sofia Vergara if you don’t look three years younger than her? What’s the benefit to that? Chelsea Handler does look really great, but only for a woman in her forties, which is where I think she’s landing if we’re being honest with ourselves. She does not look great for a thirty-eight year old, especially when she’s sitting next to Sofia Vergara. I just don’t get it! Why not embrace the age that you are so you can start looking great for your age again instead of suffering in comparison to a woman you’re claiming to be three years younger than?

Oh and maybe also stop insulting Rebel Wilson and Honey Boo Boo and Amanda Bynes while you’re at it. Even a true thirty-eight year old would know better than that.

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    • Olivia Wilson

      I feel like Sofia was singing a song this whole interview.

      • Meredith Hirt

        I watched this last night and my boyfriend was like, “She really sounds like that?” I was like, yes. Not just a Modern Family shtick.

    • Alyssa

      I seriously thought Chelsea Handler was like 48 or older…weird.

    • Cee

      She seemed kinda…bitter during the interview. Like, annoyed with her.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Agreed. I think she wanted to crack her bones and eat the marrow. Just a theory though.

    • cole

      This is the most ridiculous article on Chelsea handler I have ever read. She has never once pretended to be anything she is not and has always said her true age.

      “But like…why do you want to be three years younger than Sofia Vergara if you don’t look three years younger than her? What’s the benefit to that?” Maybe because thats how fucking old she is moron. She doesn’t want to be younger she just is.

      This is article is nonsense, you’re ridiculous and maybe you should stop doing it in general. “But like….” stop writing ok?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        You really think Chelsea Handler is thirty-eight? Really?

    • mike

      some people look old. Does Lebron James look 29 to you?