Hello everyone. Let’s give Kerry Washington a big hand! She’s the latest contestant on America’s favoritest game show: Baby Belly or Belly Bloat. While Ryan Seacrest usually hosts all episodes of BB or BB, he’s currently off in a factory getting refurbished. I mean, he’s home. Sleeping. Like a human. Because he is most definitely a human and not a robot.
So instead of Ryan today, you’re stuck with me. But let’s not dwell on that. Not when we only have nine months to figure if Kerry Washington is with child. Let’s start with the evidence for her being pregnant.
1. She’s a woman. According to some sources, woman can has babies.
2. She’s married. As God once said on Twitter, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage… that’s sometimes followed by an exclusive photoshoot with a magazine depending on the celebrity’s status.”
3. She’s wearing dresses that don’t show us the innards of her belly. Babies live in bellies. Therefore her belly’s housing a baby. (That’s basic algebra at work folks.)
4. She got married without telling us first. So it stands to reason that she would also have a baby without telling us first. Her whole secrecy “schtick” reminds me of my grandmere’s favorite saying, “secrets, secrets are no fun, unless I’m the source and spreading one.”
But before you run out to buy her baby gift, let’s talk about the reasons she might just be suffering from belly bloat.
1. She’s a human. Humans eat. Sometimes when humans eat, their bellies expand.
2 -100: Refer to #1.