Well, it’s happening, you guys. The internet is collapsing in on itself. In the very same news reader I saw two posts talking about Halle Berry and her recently born baby. One insisted that the name of the presumably gorgeous infant hadn’t been released yet, trumpeting, ‘Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez Are Keeping Their New Baby’s Name a Secret – for Now’…and the one right below it announced said name. Classic.
So I bet you’re wondering what that name is, aren’t you? My prediction way back when was Simbah — extra ‘H’ and all — to match Halle’s five year old daughter Nahla with ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, but I was like…two continents and five centuries off. Turns out she went with a name that has its roots in the ninth through fourteenth centuries, and means ‘gift of god’, with Spanish origins, as a nod to Halle’s new husband Olivier Martinez‘s ethnic background. (His father Robert is Spanish.)
You want me to keep beating around the bush and never tell you what the actual name is, right? That’s why you clicked on this post? Well you’re about to be profoundly disappointed, because the name is…
MACEO ROBERT MARTINEZ
I know what you’re thinking — Maceo? Well basically it’s just the medieval version of ‘Matthew’ or ‘Matteo’, but I don’t know why you care anyway, because it’s pretty obvious that this kid is gonna be attractive enough to shoulder any name they could’ve possibly given him. He could’ve been the world’s first attractive ‘Keegan’ or the only known instance of someone under the age of eighty pulling off the name ‘Earl’. What an opportunity missed. But regardless, I’ve been intimidated by this infant ever since the day I heard it existed, so you’re doing it right, Halle.