Looking for a rant that goes against everything that our nostalgia-driven generation lives for? Puurrfeccct, because I have just the one for you. I wrote it in the heat of the moment and I’m pretty sure that what I wrote could get me killed in certain parts of the Internet.
As someone who grew up watching every single Disney movie multiple times, I totally get the obsession. Just like you, I know all the words to all the songs. And just like you, I squeal when one of them comes on at karaoke. I can belt out “A Whole New World” just as well as the rest of them. But we’ve got to stop playing make believe with the Disney princesses. Every other time I turn around, there’s another “what if the Disney princesses…” meme floating around the internet. At first I found them entertaining, it sure was crazy to think about the Disney princesses having Facebook! But then they kept coming over and over and over again. We get it! The Disney princesses doing non-princessy things in non-princessy ways would be wacky!
What if Disney princesses were in college?
What if Disney princesses wore clothes from Forever 21? How about J.Crew. Can you imagine Jasmine wearing a sweater?
What if Disney princesses were dogs?
What if Disney princesses were cast members on Grey’s Anatomy?
What if Disney princesses were Myspace blingies?
What if Disney princesses were on Teen Mom
What if Disney princesses were members of Congress…during the shutdown?
What if Disney Princesses swapped their legs with noses?
What if Disney princesses got jobs at Goldman Sachs?
What if Disney princesses were search engines?
What if Disney princesses worked in the mall food court?
What if Disney princesses were the judges on Toddlers and Tiaras?
What if Disney princesses contracted (non-fatal) skin infection that caused them to turn blue?
What if Disney princesses were Mean Girls who were (stick with me here) extras in Twilight who were (deep breath) trapped in an Instagram photo?
The list goes on and on and on and onomatopoeia. And I know you know what I’m talking about. The one that set me off today is “what if the Disney princesses’ genders were swapped?” You know what guys, I don’t know if we need to answer that particular what if. Because tell you what, it’s never going to happen. Sure there’s no harm in thinking about it, but why? Why take something that was once fun and silly and turn it into an every day event that’s no longer entertaining? Oh right, because that’s what our generation does. We love things too hard and too much and too fast.
Okay, rant over. Carry on with your day.