Britney Spears’ new music video for “Work Bitch” premiered last night, and you might have noticed that she doesn’t really do much work in it. I mean, unless rubbing up against a wall and standing in the middle of a pool of sharks completely unfazed is some new form of work I don’t know about. Not only does the video not show her clocking in or going into a board meeting or anything, but she doesn’t even appear to be working super hard at just being Britney Spears.
In light of this, I thought it would be nice to look back on all the times when Britney did work in her music videos. As in, all the times she had a job that wasn’t “famous pop singer” or “underwear dancer.” She might not have worked 9 to 5 in all her videos, but she almost has enough fictional careers to give Barbie a run for her money. Okay, maybe not. That plastic lady even has more jobs than James Franco.
Nevertheless, please join me on this journey through Britney Spears’ various fictional careers.
1-2. Ringmaster and Lion Tamer in “Circus”
It takes a lot of work to keep a circus up and running, and Britney does it all without pants on. And she pulls double duty as a lion tamer — or at least a person who swings a whip around seductively next to a lion. Still, it’s a job.
3-5. Office Worker, Cocktail Waitress and Chauffeur in “Womanizer”
Here Britney plays various roles to prove that the man she’s singing about is a total player… who happens to fall for women who look identical to Britney Spears. Maybe he’s only womanizing because he thinks they’re all you, Britney. Ever thought about that? Sigh. Anyway, she’s definitely getting employee of the month for driving a car with just her foot. Impressive.
6. Movie Star in “Lucky”
Here pop star Britney tells a story of a sad movie star named Lucky who looks just like her. Lucky mostly mopes around in her robe, but she also attends a red carpet premiere, which is technically work. So it counts.
7-8. Flight Attendant and Spy in “Toxic”
I’m not actually sure if Britney’s supposed to be a spy or an assassin or both, but either way she goes from her day job serving drinks in a mini skirt to her night job poisoning a guy. Gotta respect a girl working two jobs.
9. Stripper in “Gimme More”
Another video where I’m not totally sure what I’m looking at. Blonde Britney is sitting at a bar looking at brunette Britney work a stripper pole. I can only assume it’s brunette Britney’s job to be up there, but nobody’s throwing money at her so it could just be some random lady who wanted to show off. Just to be safe, I’ll put it on the list.
10. Milkshake Waitress in “(You Drive Me) Crazy”
Ah, the ’90s. Nothing makes me ache for 1999 like this tie-in with the classic Melissa Joan Hart masterpiece Drive Me Crazy. She and Melissa serve milkshakes at some kind of underground teen diner which then turns into a dance party.
11. Student in “Baby One More Time”
Hey, just because they don’t get paid in anything but grades doesn’t mean students don’t work. I would like to know what school Britney attends that allows her to wear that outfit to class, and I’ll acknowledge that Britney doesn’t do much work besides tapping her pencil, but I’m gonna be nice and put it on the list anyway. Mostly because I want an excuse to watch the video again.
12. Housewife in “If U Seek Amy”
Britney has a transformation from party girl to ’50s-style housewife in this video. I don’t totally understand it, but I do know that homemakers work their butts off, so it goes on this list. I’m not even going to mention the song’s title.
13. Superhero in “Break the Ice”
Britney’s a cartoon character in this one, but she appears to have superpowers and she does a lot of leaping off buildings and kicking butt. WORK BITCH!