All-around adorable person Adam Scott went on Conan last night to talk about his new movie A.C.O.D. and ended up talking about penises. It happens to the best of us. A perfectly normal, professional, PG conversation suddenly takes a dong turn somewhere and next thing you know every other word out of your mouth is “penis.” And in Adam’s case the penises are coming out of his mouth and also going in. I’m sorry to put that image in your head, but it’s Adam who created the image and set it free into the world in the first place.
Perhaps I should explain where this penis talk originated. Adam explains to Conan that the poster for his new movie is especially perfect for penis graffiti, so he demonstrates with a marker. Not only is this video an absolutely hilarious way to start your day (just turn down the volume if you’re at work so your boss doesn’t wonder why the word “penis” is coming from your cubicle every five seconds — unless that’s business as usual in your office, I don’t judge), but we could also all really learn something from Adam’s technique.
Adam acknowledged that the poster provided an easy opportunity to mock, and instead of hiding his face in embarrassment and avoiding being in the same room with the poster at all costs, he decided to embrace it. Now instead of drawing a penis going toward his face when they see the poster at a bus stop, people will think, “Meh, Adam Scott already did that and it was really funny, so I’ll just wait for a new Adam Sandler movie to come out and do it then. It’ll be more original.”
You gotta beat people to the punch. That’s why I’m considering just adding mean comments to my own posts from now on. Then if someone disagrees with my opinion of Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift or anyone really, they’ll scroll down to the comments, see that I’ve already told myself to shut up and asked myself if I have anything better to do with my time. And they’ll realize they don’t need to tell me themselves. Oh, Adam Scott, you dong-drawing genius you.