Calm down guys, please. Lower you heart rate in any way that you can, because the reason for your panic is over: Barbara Walters and Katy Perry have resolved their feud, at long last. I know I don’t have to tell all of you, because we all went through it together, but this. was. a big one, guys. It was like a traditional east coast / west coast rap battle, except more violent. But you knew that already.
Wait what? What are you saying? Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t even know they were feuding? What on earth could you have been paying attention to instead? This imminent government shutdown that everyone’s predicting? That’ll never happen, you have to focus on — oh. Sorry. I’m now being told that the government did, in fact, shut down, and contrary to popular belief, approximately zero people had any idea that Barbara and Katy were in any way beefing. Oops.
Well I’ll catch you up then, I guess, since we’re all admitting that we’ve been negligent on keeping abreast of current affairs. Katy had an interview in Billboard recently (the same one where she revealed that she was suicidal after her marriage to Russell Brand ended and also delighted in the pure genius of John Mayer‘s brain), and she also told a story of a time long ago when she was running late to an interview for the Top 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011 List with Barbara:
“When I got there, I apologised immediately, but then she said to me, ‘You know, I’ve only ever waited for one other person this long, and you know who that person was? Judy Garland. You know how she turned out, right?’ I was like, ‘Oh, snap! Yes, bitch!’ I think it’s the coolest thing that Barbara Walters shaded me.”
AW DAMN BARBARA. You feisty. You mad feisty, girl. You’re starting a big old beef with a girl who…happened to be in the early stages of a divorce, at that point, although she may not have known it yet. She told Billboard that she probably should have pulled out of the interview because things were so bad in her personal life…but she didn’t. AND NOW SHE MUST FACE THE CONSEQUALTERS! (That’s a combination of the word ‘consequences’ and Barbara Walters’ name. In case you’re unfamiliar with my work.)
So that’s the fight, and it was a real doozy. I didn’t think the two of them would ever truly recover and regain their previous BFF status, but you know what? Barbara’s a real professional, and she wants them to get back to hair-braiding and gossip as badly as the rest of us, so she responded to Katy responding to her on an episode of The View that aired yesterday, saying:
“Katy, if I made you feel at all unhappy, during a time when you were obviously unhappy, and I didn’t know, I’m sorry, but you can’t always know!”
Phew. Crisis narrowly averted. We almost had a full-scale riot on our hands.
(Image: Will Alexander / WENN.com)