• Mon, Sep 30 - 12:06 pm ET

KUWTK: How To Problem Solve Like Kris Jenner

kris jenner quote im excited cant you tell

For all of you still trying to decide how to fill the giant Breaking Bad-sized hole in your hearts and your Sunday night TV schedule, I’ve got some great news for you… after taking a four week hiatus, Keeping Up With the Kardashians is back! Now, I confess, I stopped watching Breaking Bad way back at the beginning of season one when a bathtub full of acid and a dead body fell through the ceiling (Watching people eat fake placenta is one thing, but looking at a fake acid-eaten body? That’s just nasty.), so I’m not exactly what you’d call a Breaking Bad expert. But I still believe that KUWTK is probably a pretty good substitute.

Really, what does Breaking Bad have that KUWTK lacks–aside from like 10 Emmys. Those things really aren’t that hard to get, though, right? Even the Dumb and Dumber guy has one. Besides, the Kardashian family has one secret entertainment weapon that no amount of golden trophies can compete with, and that, my friends, is Kris Jenner.

Kris Jenner has a lot of special talents, like the ability to always appear as if she’s wearing a Halloween costume and a knack for exploiting her family at every available opportunity. But this week, her biggest talent on display was a set of problem-solving skills extraordinaire. Seriously guys, next time I’m in a crisis-situation, I plan to handle it by asking myself, “What would Kris Jenner do?” And in case you haven’t automatically decided to adopt this strategy yourself, just look at all of the problems Kris was solving on this week’s episode…

Problem: Your daughter inherited your camel toe

Solution: Give said daughter a super awesome pep talk 

Khloe Kardashian doesn’t always say the nicest things about Mama Jenner, and now I see why: Kris totally gave Khloe all of her crappy genes. Case in point: Khloe has inherited both her mother’s premature grey hair and her camel toe problem. Kourtney Kardashian tries to help Khloe CTC (Cover the Camel, obvz) by giving her a triangular pad-like thing to put in her underwear and smooth her out. And according to Khloe, that pad is exactly as awkward and uncomfortable as it sounds.

So Khloe calls her mom and is all like, How dare you give me a giant vagina!, which gives Kris a chance to show off her problem-solving skills by telling her, If you don’t like camel toe, then start wearing longer shirts and enjoy your life. Well said, Mama Jenner, well said.

Problem: Bruce Jenner Wants To Keep A Gun In Your House, But You Don’t Want Him To

Answer: Hide the gun in a giant slab of concrete

Remember that one really horrible time when the Kardashians thought it might be a good idea to get involved with the gun control debateUnfortunately, they’re still thinking that’s a good idea. This week we were reminded that Bruce Jenner is keeping a real life gun in the Kardashian-Jenner manor, and it’s hidden in a safe that only Bruce has access to. But Kris and Kylie are still totally anti-gun (and still ignoring the fact that in season one Kris was very, very pro-gun), and have decided they need to get rid of it. So, Kris passes a gun safely course, convinces Bruce he should tell her where the gun is, and begins crafting a plan to get rid of it for good. The situation went something like this:

Kylie: How do you get rid of a gun, Mom?

Kris: Let’s see…maybe…throw it in the ocean like a dead body!

Kylie: Uhh, Mom, I don’t think that’s really legal.

Kris: Okay fine. How about we… put it in a bowl of cement and let it harden!

By George, I think she’s got it! Another great solution, Kris. Way to go!

Problem: Your daughter doesn’t want to have a baby shower

Solution: You show her home videos from your baby shower

Sometimes words fail even the best of us, and that includes Kris Jenner. But just because you don’t have the right words to solve a problem, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. For example, when Kim Kardashian decides she doesn’t want to have a baby shower because she’s afraid the media will judge her for it, Kris knows just how to handle the situation: She shows Kim a video of one of her own showers.

And wouldn’t you know it, long before KUWTK graced our televisions, Kris was already getting ready for her close up, using a microphone and background dancers/maybe they were supposed to be her friends(?) to MC the event. The grandness of Kris’s event totally convinces Kim that she needed to have her own shower. And maybe Kanye West decided to show up only after Kris promised to leave the back-up dancers at home this time.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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