I’m always bamboozled by the internet, you guys. There’s always a celebrity with a surprisingly rabid fan base (e.g. these Joe Jonas fans who would greatly enjoy if I died), or a group of humans resistant to spoilers on a television show based on a book series that has been released in the world for literal decades. Yes, I’m talking to you, Game Of Thrones fans who hope I die in a fire for releasing a non-spoiler with plentiful spoiler warnings. It’s an odd odd odd odd world.
And the newest member of the group of ‘people who I had no idea anyone cared about’? Surprisingly enough, it’s Derek Hough, of Dancing With The Stars and rumored-gay brother of Julianne Hough fame. The other day I wrote a post about him beginning what I believe to be a fake-lationship with Vampire Diaries star Nina Dobrev, who broke up with Ian Somerhalder a few months ago. I understand that he is purporting to be straight, but there are a ton of rumors that the whole reason Julianne was ‘dating’ Ryan Seacrest was as a cover for the actual relationship between Ryan and Derek. Plus, I just get a total gay vibe off of him, and that’s okay! That’s my opinion! I love gay people, and I would love if Derek was one of them! But what do I know.
He says he’s straight, which, frankly, is totally understandable. Either he is, and I’m wrong, or he isn’t, in which case I totally understand why he would want to keep that information to himself. This isn’t the greatest atmosphere into which to admit your homosexuality. From what Lance Bass tells me, there are still a bunch of closeted celebrities out there who aren’t comfortable coming out yet. I get that. But OMG do his fans not get that. They are sooooo not happy that I would even insinuate that his sexual orientation might be up for debate. Here are my favorite comments from the post I wrote the other day. Please to enjoy.
To be fair, I am a snarky little bitch. Sorry, what did you say? Did someone provide a long paragraph of exhaustive proof that this relationship is real? I was busy napping because I’m so lazy.I was just really proud of my response here; not gonna lie. Tell God to add that to the list. I don’t have time for grammar! I’m too indignant about this article! Succinct. Necessary. This and the following five comments are all from the same IP address, from a user who really wants my face to acknowledge the error of its ways. And also for me to grow a peen and eff my mom with it. Which is a lot of work to do for something I’m not that interested in in the first place.I’m glad we were able to bring my face into it again. I was worried we’d abandoned it for greener pastures. I only included this one because my response got more upvotes than their original comment. I’m a star. I wish I had done my research. Then none of this would have ever happened and I wouldn’t be such an amorphous, jelly-like piece of excrement. I still want an answer to my question.
And this is perhaps the most interesting comment of all. They forgot to insult me in any way, which is negligent, but they bring up a very intriguing point, so I did some research on it. (I learned my lesson after all!) Turns out Jason Kennedy does work at E!, and he ‘dates’ a model named Lauren Scruggs. She lives in Dallas and he lives in LA, and it’s very serious. It’s been going on for months. Here’s a literal quote about the two of them:
“They’re cute. They keep it super PG. They don’t even stay in the same hotels or places when they visit each other. It is like courting — high school love.”
Iiiii’m sorry. But what you described does not sound like a real relationship to me. It’s what I think some people call a beard. I think we might be onto something here, Sheila. But get in touch with me again when you have some REAL insults to share, y’know? Like really go after me. I can take it.
(Image: FayesVision / WENN.com)