Oh Lance Bass, you precious precious gift. At some point you’re going to need to acknowledge that you’re no longer all that socially relevant and drift back into a gentle obscurity. We both know that. But we also both know that until that exact moment, your plan seems to be to do anything and everything you can to stay in the limelight.
The most recent example of this phenomenon occurred when he went on Bethenny Frenkel‘s show on September 19th and played a round of ‘Would You Ever’ backstage. Because that’s apparently what goes on behind-the-scenes of that show. Like a grown-up sleepover. But whatever. The point of the game is, you pull questions out of a fishbowl and you have to answer them honestly. Lance pulled a question that he may as well have written himself and planted, because it was just exactly what he wanted to gab about all night: ‘Would you ever lie to help a closeted celebrity stay closeted?’
“Yes, I would and I have. I know tons of celebrities that are in the closet right now. But it’s up to them to decide if they want to come out or not. And I will support any decision they make.”
“I would! I would and I have and I did and I do and I will and I can and I sing and I dance and looooooove secrets! I just want to shout it from a rooftop how much I love them, which is exactly how one should behave when one has a secret! Shout about it! Did I mention I have a secret? And not just one — tons! Tons and tons! Don’t ask me about them, because I really don’t want to tell you!
…but maybe ask me a little bit, because it’s my most favoritest thing. And yes, before you ask, I am that guy from ‘NSYNC who came out years ago in 2006 and, like…tried to go to space and was on Dancing With The Stars, but you can just put ‘Lance’ on my Starbucks coffee cup, in case ‘Speaker And Mascot For All Homosexuals’ doesn’t fit. Thank you, Mr. Barista. So glad we had this talk — please don’t leak it to all the papers. OR DO, Y’KNOW, WHATEVER. WINK FACE. I’m just thrilled to be nominated. Oh turn off this spotlight that I’m pointing at myself and get out of the way so that other customers can get their coffee? Yeah okay. But call with any questions! They’re really famous celebrities! Really famous ones! But my lips are sealed! Ooh ouch you’re closing the door on my — GOODBYE I LOVE YOU GOODBYE!”
(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)