I hope you’re sitting down right now, because I’m about to give you some pretty life-changing information. Ready? Okay. You might be Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s girlfriend. I mean, I suppose in theory you would already know if that were true about you, but you can never know anything for sure in this crazy world. For all I know, you really could be Joseph’s girlfriend reading this right now. And for all you know, I could be Joseph’s girlfriend. I’m personally putting money down on it being me, but there’s no way to know for sure, because Joseph won’t reveal her name. He stopped by Howard Stern’s radio show to talk about his new movie Don Jon, and naturally things got a little off topic, as they’re apt to do on that show. Joseph then divulged the big news.
“I have a girlfriend but I tend not to really like to talk about it in public. She is not in show business.”
After explaining that he wants people to pay attention to his onscreen work and not concern themselves with who he’s dating and all that jazz, Joseph reveals that his girlfriend doesn’t enjoy the spotlight.
“The girl that I’m with, she really doesn’t want to be a part of it and you can imagine not wanting to have that kind of scrutiny.”
He then dodges a question about whether or not he’s in love with her, saying that’s too private. But really, who is she? Does she like to go to IKEA with him like in (500) Days of Summer? Does she appreciate it when he lip syncs to “Super Bass”? Does she encourage him every day to try harder to get cast in that Magic Mike sequel? Does she look and act exactly like me? Hey, you never know who you’re in a relationship with these days. Maybe I had a conversation with Joe in the comments section of one of my posts without even knowing it, and he enjoyed the cyber-conversation so much that he now considers us to be an item. How would I know for sure if he never gives us a name? From everything we’ve heard about her, it could really be any of us, so I’m not giving up hope. Do you think it’s too soon to change my Facebook relationship status?