Jon Hamm and his now-infamous beard visited Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. I spent most of the video trying to figure out where the facial hair ended and the face began, as well as contemplating how lucrative it would be to sell Jon Hamm paper dolls with replaceable beards instead of clothes. Well, there would be clothes on the doll, in theory. You just wouldn’t change them. Or maybe there wouldn’t be clothes. I haven’t finalized the business plan yet. Once I pulled myself out of this beardy reverie, however, I caught Jon having a stare-off with an audience member who immediately earned a spot at the top of my “Most Jealous” list, directly above every person who lives in France. (I really want to live in France.)
It all begins when Jimmy mentions that the ladies love Don Draper, despite the fact that he’s a total tool. They decide to try to recreate this intensity right there on the show with a lucky audience member. They even titled it. It’s called “Jon Hamm Makes Uninterrupted Eye Contact With a Member of Our Audience for 20 Seconds.” And that’s pretty much what it is.
But I must give plenty of props to the audience member who gets chosen, even though I’m currently researching how to send side eye through the mail. Her name is Linda and she makes sure to take this very rare opportunity to go in for the cheek (nay beard) kiss. When else are you gonna have the chance to feel Jon Hamm’s beard against your skin? Not only might you never see him again, but if Jon Hamm lightning does end up striking twice, it might not be bearded lightning the second time.
I’ll let you watch it play out for yourself, but I will tell you that Linda seems very into it, and by the end of the 20 seconds, Jon’s intense stare turns into a teensy bit of a suspicious “should I get a restraining order?”-style eye-narrow. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have Jon Hamm look at me like that!